Yellow is the colour of my chromosome

McDumdum

2010-11-26T19:06:00.000+08:00

Here's the whinge I wrote to McDonald's. I wonder if they will reply to me.

I usually order McDelivery. And I think that your first greeting should not be "How may I help you," because quite frankly - I only call this number to order food delivery - and I've pressed all the buttons that have led me towards ordering food delivery - and having to say "I'd like to order food and have it delivered," seems like a waste of time and makes me feel like an idiot - not to mention, when I order takeaway as often as I do - it gets more and more annoying each time.

I know the routine - you may or may not confirm my tel no, then you confirm my address, then you take my order - along the way the customer service guy gets it right or wrong depending on how rushed he's feeling that day. Why not just get right to business with, "May I take your order?" or "May I confirm your address for delivery?" After all, I'm calling to order food and have it delivered asap not to have a friendly chat because I'm lonely.

I've had the poor chap ask me what's my name and that's always awkward given that my name is not easy to pronounce for a number of Malaysians and I end up putting up with being called GAY or GAY-LER or GUY-LEE - so, that just adds a further annoyance. You don't know me. You don't want to be my friend nor do I want to be yours. I just want food!

Ok. That's all. Forgive the ranting but I'm particularly exhausted after work today and that's what pushed me towards filling out a feedback form in the first place. I hope this gives you some insight into what it's like for the customer sometimes when we are faced with inane questions like 'how may I help you,' when the answer should really be obvious after all the buttons you just made me press. Next time, I'll try not to answer that question with, "You may scratch my belly please."

Happy 33 2Me!

2010-11-08T11:04:00.000+08:00

For the first time in years, I did not plan a birthday party. Instead, I helped to plan a wedding (NO, NOT MINE!). In a way it was MUCH better... I got to celebrate my birthday and someone else got to pay for the band, food, ballroom and everything else! *evil grin*

Florence and Meng even kindly treated me to a portion of their bed so I could stay over! Thanks guys!

Mental snapshots…

Gayle emcees at Aaron & Becky's Wedding on Sat, 6 November 2010
False eyelash partially comes off on stage, flaps loosely over left eye. Apparently the glue couldn’t handle the weight of the eye-lash AND the lock of hair resting on it (due to new wavy hairdo)
Friend hijacks masking tape from banquet staff, adheres suspect named “Botz” to chair
Large friendly gentleman called Jobe experiments with aviation during dinner… Chopstick takes flight, hangs around near ceiling suspended by 3 helium balloons. Banqueting staff look on – calculate overtime for waiting on chopstick to descend later that night.
Man sucks helium then has mouth taped over… the Large Friendly Gentleman thought that might make him fart in a higher pitch; or float
Couple of what turns out to be adults codenamed Ronz and Eric Remedies, roll around confetti on the floor like it’s a pile of leaves in fall. Admirably, no one gets hurt or needs help getting up off the floor.
Styrofoam pillars belonging to hotel destroyed, used as weapons by groom and best man in a medieval Joust. Weatherman reports short, sharp showers of Styrofoam.
Flower bouquets destroyed in a game of “loves me, loves me not”; culprits later realize flowers were fake
Impersonator named Andrew Lambert gets picked up and hurled through air towards garter (also in mid-air) in impromptu rugby move by Clubhouse Boys... displaying unheard of agility, strength and coordination (at least for them).
Plenty of career-ending type photographs taken at night’s end which will not be shown here or on facebook
First official birthday meal past midnight was a Fillet o’Fish Medium Value Meal at McDonalds at 2ish am. False eyelashes still going strong.

And I didn’t even have to pay for the party! All in all, a very memorable way to turn 33. I was surrounded by family and dear friends! Only a few close babes of mine were missing but presents a good reason to celebrate again eh?

Love you all. My 30's are turning out to be a really great time!

RM5 Eyebrow Threading

2010-07-23T19:02:00.000+08:00

What a bargain. To tweeze and trim brows at a conventional salon can cost upwards of fifteen bucks, but threading (eyebrow shaping using only thread, teeth and a skilled pair of hands) at this shop is just RM5.

Santhi One Stop bridal house is in Penang's Little India right next to the famous Sri Ananda Bahwan restaurant.

It's quickly done at just under five minutes and the result is a very neat, very clean brow.

They also do brazilian waxes here, with just a small difference. At the end when a beautician would normally attack stray hairs with pincers, instead out comes the roll of string clenched between teeth. And before u can say 'zomgwhatrudoingdownthere' you're done.

Does it hurt? Certainly. But its cheap and good, and well worth it.

Wanted! Supadog!

2010-07-23T14:34:00.001+08:00

Aint she such a cutie?

M.B.A.

2010-07-23T14:15:00.003+08:00

A Master of Bullshit Arts?

My best friend has flown the coop and its time to really grab new opportunities by the *ahem*. New friends, new hobbies, new places to visit and things to do. I also have thoughts of maybe flying the coop myself and building a career in a different country. Any decent company will want to see paper qualifications to support their application for a working permit I'm assuming. So is an MBA worth getting at age 33? I'd love to hear from 'mature' students who got their MBAs or another post-grad degree without first having... a degree. Students who got in on experience. I'm relying on career experience to see me through the entry requirement and I'm curious what my experience qualifies me for.

The Flickering Flame

2009-12-18T07:20:00.004+08:00

Dear reader,

Please click here first and allow this song

to wash over you as you read this,

as I did when I wrote it: I don't love you

When you go,

Would you even turn to say,

I don't love you,

Like I did,

Yesterday...

The familiar strains of a moving guitar melody and gut-wrenching vocals flow through my veins and it empowers, saddens and invigorates. What a paradox. The finality of loss is brought into sharp relief by a renewed hope for the future. The sheer unexpectedness of what tomorrow might bring... the opportunity to create a new outcome... burns like a candle in the darkened window of my heart. Confidently it brightens and keeps the shadows at bay, but occasionally a slip, a twitch of a curtain, and a cold familiar draft threatens to extinguish the promise of the flame.

Well when you go,

Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay,

And maybe when you get back,

I'll be off to find another way...

As my gaze fixes upon the cold blue heart of the flame, black and white images move across the theatre of my mind. Irony. It replays a scenario that resides in the grey areas of human frailty. Flickering shadows play upon the features of a soulful face. Large and red rimmed eyes swollen from hours of sobbing... and outstretched hands with fists closed tight from the strain of trying to keep all the emotions at bay... express more than words possibly could in explanation or justification of the events about to unfold.

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading,

So sick and tired of all the needless beating,

But baby when they knock you down and out,

It's where you oughta stay.

I wish I had the vocabulary, the insight, and the talent... to have relayed my thoughts and questions well enough to have been understood from the first instance, without them having become tarnished by the human condition. At each and every moment when that flame guttered out, and I was left cold and alone with only those poignant questions to keep me company, the one person who might have understood and answered them... stood out on the street, mingling with the myriad, and faded beyond the darkened window. And so the candle stood, dark... until with the light of the morning came the only reliable relief, and the view through the window wiped clean for another day and another play.

And after all this time that you still owe,

You're still a good-for-nothing I don't know,

So take your gloves and get out,

Better get out while you can...

Week after week, the scenes in front of that night-time window would replay with clockwork regularity. And the recluse behind the window, the once-owner of that flame, grew to regard it all as a cruel and painful joke; a long distant memory of happier days.

Then with time and with nothing but the darkness to consider... the only sensible thing to do was move away from the view and maybe, find a way to rekindle the light. Such effort did it take to grope for the matches, that I stumbled in the dark, and fell... far and hard. And although there was pain, there was also endorphins and euphoria. And for that I will always be grateful, for it suffused me once again with warmth, and the knowledge of things material and immaterial, that I knew I deserved.

So fix your eyes and get up,

better get up,

while you can...

Then finally, the matches were sought. The candle was lit. And the flame began burning anew... illuminating an altogether different scene. One of endless possibilities and hope for tomorrow. So upon the morrow, and the morrow after that....

I don't love you like I loved you yesterday...

... I will seek once more, that same person who once stood on the other side of the window, and hope to meet his eyes to recognise love of a different kind - a mutual understanding of a love that gives, rather than takes... and that makes us both better people than we were before.

Just us and Eric Benet

2009-12-05T03:36:00.004+08:00

Here I sit in the dark, with the feeble moonlight barely penetrating the gloom of the living room. The light of my beloved mac is the only glow within, illuminating my drawn and exhausted visage, giving me the look of one haunted. Maybe I am.

Haunted by desires unfulfilled and memories of happier days. Yearning that things could have remained as they were and still hoping that the harshness of reality will take another step back and leave me in peace. In relative peace.

For escapism can no longer be a lasting release. If I am truthful to myself, it has not been for years. Once that barrier of denial was broken it meant that I have been forever forced to be in a state of duality... aware of more than I have been before, and making conscious choices because it has been the only way to be. Taking responsibility for all my actions.

Snatches of a sexy Eric Benet tune are filtering through to my consciousness as I type, and it makes me sad. It reminds me of the lies we tell ourselves to get through difficult days, in vain, hoping to emerge unscathed... only to fail.

A choice is looming on the horizon. A question mark hangs in the air. An answer, the only obvious answer, is slamming against my consciousness, reminding me of its presence. Annoying, unrelenting and unforgiving.

I am no longer clear about my reasons for resisting its presence. But my body is weak with exhaustion and my mental state overburdened by a fully charged day - the incredible high of being on the go now dragged into balance by a melancholy brought on by the weekly Friday 'triggers' that I have come to expect and dread, which I no longer have the strength to attempt to influence positive change upon.

But acknowledgment. Truly, it is out of my control... yet somewhere along the way, 'acceptance of the things I can't change' has come to equate 'things that I have failed to foresee.' When did I form that belief? And in an ironic twist, I hate that I did not see it rearing its ugly head.

But it's okay. I am okay, and everything will be fine. Tomorrow is another day and once sleep claims me, my troubles will fade away again like so much dew on a tropical morning. The sun rising with renewed vigour, as will I.

Until then though, it's just us... and Eric Benet.

About Keeping Secrets

2009-11-28T19:23:00.002+08:00

If there's anything I've learned lately, it's that life will throw the unexpected your way. I am grateful that I have learned to be better at going with the flow, taking those highs and lows like a pro... and dealing with the spills in due course.

In a conversation with someone close recently, I was advised to keep a specific thing about my life secret - even from, and even especially from, the one person in my life who is supposed to be closest to me. This, out of fear that it would come back later to bite me in the ass.

While I believe that everyone is entitled to privacy, I firmly believe that there are some experiences that need to be shared. I don't look to go out and advertise it - but neither am I ashamed of it. In fact I am almost proud of it most of the time - because it signifies strength and a set of unique lessons learned that I would not otherwise have had the opportunity to.

I am sure that the journey I've taken from that moment on has made me a better person - a warmer, more loving and more understanding person in the face of a lot of things.

My brother has often told me that I'm too soft. I am sure he often worries about me getting hurt because of my gentle nature which I tend to hide behind a wall of extroversion. I tried to toughen up, and I believe I have. I am more aware now that people can be horrendous beyond belief and do despicable things to one another. But I consciously refuse to stop believing the best of them, until proven otherwise... and maybe even then, there's hope.

I have tried starting out everything warily and with over-caution, but that just does not work for me. Life is too short for me to spend time not being me. I ended up making the wrong choices for myself - and living my life for other people.

Someone else told me that I tend to do things in a big way - that I make life changes drastically and with full force. I sensed a negative connotation there but I chose to take it as a simple statement of the way things are. I mean, I understand why that can be a bad thing, but I wonder if others understand why it can also a good thing. Making big changes has worked for me. The breakthroughs were big and I am grateful for every one of them.

Everything boils down to one man's meat being another man's char koay teow. Both just as good... but different.

If I were to be asked right now what my biggest fear is... I honestly would not know what to say (apart from 'snakes'!). I think it would be that at the end of the day, I will find myself alone in this world without the people I care about who have held up a mirror to my life and helped me define me.

Yes, that would be it. And while that is a fear that stemmed from childhood - which I believe will remain with me for the rest of my life - I also know that it isn't the truth. But please forgive me if sometimes, I forget.

Sydney & Goldcoast Vacay, Week 1

2008-12-14T14:28:00.002+08:00

So. I've been here a week. Let's start with some of my thoughts, in brief, about what I think my trip has been so far:

Sun is scorching.
Breezes are freezing.
In the first few days, it was so cold it felt like I was in Cameron Highlands - but dressed for Langkawi.
The subsequent doctor's consultation fee to treat my cough & cold was 60 Aussie Dollars. The nasal spray and anti-biotics prescription from the chemist an additional 80 Aussie Dollars.
Travel insurance is fantastic to cover that. If you have it. Which I don't. Bugger.

Pubs are strange.
Babies and children play at your feet.
They're smoke free! Rather, smoke was probably at liberty once but has now been arrested by unbribable Aussie cops on horses.
The same Aussie cops have also arrested the white person's ability to dance. Dance clubs are mostly dance-free, cool (as in the temperature) and with breathable air.
Parking is far from free. About 3 Aussie dollars for 1 hour in the parking meter.
Cover charge is about 15 Aussie dollars and you get one free nothing. You just get to go inside.
Strip club covercharge is also about 15 Aussie dollars. WHEE. I am going to one tonight!

I am smoking far fewer cigarettes.
Arse-freezing weather cools the inclination to step outside for a quick fag.
Killer high-heels that are holding your toes for ransom also make it hard to walk outside 'again'.

No one here has heard of Salem cigarettes!
Milo is sold in the old-school style - granules in tins. No 3-in-1 options.
Condensed milk appears to be a myth.
"Servings are Western sized. You can only eat half their portion" is also a myth. I seem able to consume all my food. HAH.
Chu-char, Thai food and Indian food are prepared as individual servings with appetizers & entrees. Be warned... Tom Yam soup is not a soup to be shared. It is YOUR MEAL.

A bottle shop does not equal a 'botoi' shop.
Chinese uncle-loids and aunty-septics have adopted a very strange combination of Chinglish + Aussie accents.
Not all Chinese people are in fact, Chinese. Some of them are Japanese. haha.

Mornings are bacon & egg filled moments of sin.
Satay is twice the size for quadruple the price.
Thai lemon chicken tastes like chicken satay.
Bread slices are twice as thick.
Bacon rashers are twice as big.
My weight is now twice as much than when I first arrived.

Surfer boys aren't really 'rawr' worthy.
Good looking white chicks tend to mostly look like Nicole Kidman from afar.
Flat chested Chinese chicks are almost nil.
Clothes have bust sizes that are too big for my bust. Whee.

Strange boys in Casinos will hug you on a whim... provided you're a girl apparently on your own.
Betting 25 Aussie on blackjack doesn't feel as bad as betting RM50 in Genting.
Losing 100 Aussie dollars doesn't feel so bad if you've been gambling from 12am till 5am in a Casino, with a steady flow of Vodka Orange & cute croupiers.
The Chinese aunties crowded around gaming tables are conspicuously missing.
Mahjong hasn't made it to Aussie casinos yet either. lol.
Findi**s are annoying, no matter where you find them.

Oscillating devices aka 'fans' are not a standard home fixture.
Hoses next to the toilet, with which to wash your arse after a massive alcohol induced shart, are ALSO not a standard home fixture. >.<

Slow walking people abound.
Patient drivers who will stop for pedestrians to cross roads also abound.
I fear for my safety when I am eventually let back into the wilds of Penang traffic. I may actually try to use a zebra crossing and realise my error when I become jam on the asphalt.
Now I understand Daniel's tendency to walk in the middle of the road as though he were invincible or Findi**. Over here, pedestrians seem to have equal rights.
The only motorcycles I see on the roads are superbikes.

Over and out, for now.

Teaching Brings Joy to These Women

2008-11-21T23:30:00.002+08:00

Figured I'd best blog this for my archives since the article is no longer up on the Star website. This was published sometime in May 2006, if I remember correctly.

By SHARMILLA GANESAN

PETALING JAYA: You could say teaching is in Gayle Barbosa’s blood. Her parents and grandmother were also teachers.

That could explain why Gayle, at the age of 29, decided to quit as a copywriter and pursue an education degree instead.

Her grandmother Anna Capel, 84, was a teacher for 33 years, starting her career before World War II. Gayle's mother Marion Barbosa, 64, taught at SM Convent Green Lane in Penang for 34 years.

Gayle, who is in her foundation year, recalled how she once told herself she would never become a teacher. But after venturing into advertising, she realised her real passion was in fact in education.

“Teaching is what I enjoy and I look up to my mother and grandmother as model teachers,” said Gayle.

Anna said she started teaching after secondary school. That was before the war. During the Japanese Occupation, she stopped teaching on the advice of her husband.

“When I went to the Penang Convent after the war, it was a total mess, because it had been used by the Japanese as a base,” said Anna, adding that she enrolled as a teacher again as soon as the occupation was over.

Anna felt that there was more respect and appreciation for teachers before, noting that many new teachers were indifferent towards their students.

“It’s very sad, as the students want to learn but often can’t find the right teachers,” said Anna, who still has her former students visiting and sending her greeting cards.

Her daughter Marion initially got into teaching because she was not sure what she wanted to do.

“My parents basically decided for me, but I don’t regret it for one minute, because teaching was extremely rewarding,” said the retired teacher.

Marion felt that the decline in students’ behaviour nowadays was due to teachers and parents as well.

“I was a very firm teacher, and manners were very important to me. My students even used to call me the ‘dragon’! With the right techniques, positive values can be imparted in every lesson, not just during moral class.” she said.

“It is extremely gratifying to see a diamond in the rough emerge to be something wonderful!”

With Teachers Day on May 16, this is a good time for everyone to express their appreciation for their old or current teachers.

Just send in an SMS and see that message in the print or electronic media. The SMS campaign, conducted by the Education Ministry together with MyPressto.com Sdn Bhd, will continue until May 31.

Each message costs 30 sen. Just type GURU, space, followed by the message and send to 32020.

Source : The Star Online

Sucks To Be Jabba

2008-06-06T15:21:00.005+08:00

I'm allergic to shellfish and some medications. My friends know this, but have never really seen me go through the 'transformation' from being a human being named Gayle to being Jabba.

Well, I am at Concepts today, just killing time until I have to pick Daniel up from the airport. While hanging out and playing around with Aaron's computer since he's on leave to go fishing with the boss, I found incriminating photographs in a folder entitled "Concepts Clowns Part 2".

The folder just screamed to be opened besides begging the questions... Am I an ex-clown? and Where is Part 1?

Among the photos I found were some named like this:

Balaclavatwat
Myanus audio
Pseudochink
Scratch
Wanker
Harsky and Starch
Do you think I doggy; and
Dumbasserist

And of course, as I had expected, I found "Jabba 1" and "Jabba 2". So, I certainly received the answer to my first question "am I an ex-Concepts clown?" The answer is a resounding 'yes'.

No doubt, cousin goblok Capes has been saving these photos to blackmail me. These pictures were taken in August 2007 at my desk in Concepts. CLICKY HERE for the post I wrote about what had happened to me that day.

Here I am about 15-20 minutes after I'd taken the painkiller.

I could still see & only let him take the photo because he was the only one in the office at the time and thus, my saviour.

Here I am about 15 minutes later. By this time my eyes had pretty much swollen shut and all I sensed was a flash of light that kinda told me my 'saviour' couldn't resist another photo opportunity. I was desperately trying to see out of the two slits that were now my eyes.

I is Jabba.

Birthday-rator: Part 1

2008-05-29T08:14:00.005+08:00

CLICK HERE TO READ PART 2!

Birthday-rator: Part 2

2008-05-29T08:12:00.004+08:00

CLICK HERE TO READ "CATCH OF THE DAY!
THE FISHERATOR"

Catch of the Year - Fisherator

2008-05-29T08:07:00.001+08:00

Beets Business

2007-11-23T15:02:00.000+08:00

Go to your boss and pitch this business idea.
hahaha.

“Number 1 rule in roadside beet sales.
Put the best looking beets on top.
They make you pull over your car and say,
wow I need this beet right now.
Those are the money beets.”

-Dwight Schrute (The Office)

Birthday Bunny

2007-11-07T11:27:00.000+08:00

Let the festivities begin!!!!

And as I blow out my candles on this my 30th, my fervent wish is that Jobe will fall asleep in the living room again so I can create the Birthday Party Edgarator!

I already have the prototype...

Time Warp

2007-11-05T15:49:00.000+08:00

Strange. I'm losing hours. And I don't think the aliens took them.

I've just been dealing with a person who tells me things that I told her 5 minutes before she tells me.

HAH. Try dealing with THAT sentence. Maybe if you fold the sentence together like the back-cover of a MAD magazine it'd make sense.

Example.

Me: Our project deadline is looming. We need to get our interviews done fast, so we can keep time with our production schedule. I'm just waiting on your side to get me the details you promised.

Client: Hmm. Yeah. ______ was talking to me. We need to get the book done fast, so we need to buck up on the interviews. How long will it take you ah? When can I get it?

Me: As soon as it's done. Just get me the details so I can get the interviews done. We've done loads already just waiting on yours.

Client: Oh, I see. Ok. Will work on that. So when do you think I can get it? We need to hurry up.

It's at this point that my eyes start to glaze over - the effect of trying to stare down a black hole. The black hole always wins, and the loser walks away with a headache that suggests the death of a few million brain cells.

The Terrific Twenties

2007-10-31T18:03:00.000+08:00

I have just one more week to enjoy being in my twenties.
Then thirty is going to hit me like an unwanted zit on prom night.

I discovered my first white hair this year. Ask Aaron, I freaked out on him in KL. The coffee didn't help. It's embarrassing to admit, but I felt like crying that night. Then I felt like laughing too, because white hair or not - here was another 'first'.

I didn't pluck the white hair out, and I check on it once in a while to see how it's doing... like an unofficial pet. Perhaps, like my left breast - I shall give my solitary white hair a name. Suggestions?

*Derailment* I wonder what I'll one day name my solitary hair. At least now I still have the pleasure of adding the adjective 'white'... to discern one strand from all the rest. I have 'the rest' to feel blessed about.

My twenties have been fabulous and so much has happened in these ten years. I've had lots of firsts...

First drunken binge
First serious long-term relationship
First time contemplating marriage
First time contemplating marriage to a same-sex partner
First white hair
First sexual encounter involving more than two persons
First nervous breakdown
First speech at a wedding
First visit to the psychiatrist
First plane ride out of Malaysia
First hamster and rat pets
First newspaper article about me (and mum and Nanny too)
First same-sex relationship
First holiday in East Malaysia
First time appearing as a VO and acting talent (haha laughable actually)
First time I've lived away from my parents
First tattoo
First mmorpg experience
First time I quit smoking & drinking
First car (that's mine)
First Chigger (I've always had Chigger, but it was the first time I thought of giving it a name)
First D&D character making it past level 3
First career change
First blog

... the list is endless isn't it? There's a blessing in every one of those firsts and I wouldn't have done anything different. However, that doesn't mean to say that I'd relish having seconds or thirds where some of the things on that list are concerned.

*Derailment: While I'm contemplating the last week of my twenties. My brother is probably 'not' contemplating the last 22 days of his thirties. The bastard. (I mean that fondly)

I can't remember who it was that said to me recently, "Why do we need to have white hair to be seen as having wisdom?" Well, since I recently removed my first wisdom tooth, perhaps this as yet unnamed white hair has come to strike a balance on the wisdom scales. Mwah haha.

Well I don't know what the Thirties will hold for me, but I'll make sure there's a whole bunch of other 'firsts' to add to the list. Among them would be: First degree, first holiday in a country with seasons & first business.

But in the meantime, I'm grateful that in 7 days, it WON'T be my first great party with the people I care about MOST in this world.

Having firsts are great. Having more of the same with you guys makes me feel unbelievably blessed.

I'll see you guys soon!
Forget the party hats.
Bring the booze, an appetite
& a willingness to tea-party like the Edgar-ator!

The Edgar-ator!! (Part 2-single)

2007-10-28T21:06:00.000+08:00

Just when you thought I'd forgotten all about those pictures that were neatly handed to me
in a thumb-drive... mwah ha ha...

Discworld

2007-10-23T04:13:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged in a long while, for good reason. I've been reading. Yes. I read. My manic humour has to come from somewhere. Inspired by some thing. And my thing of choice is Terry Pratchett's Discworld.

I've had moments when I couldn't touch his books. Periods that lasted 6 - 7 months. A year or more sometimes.

It's like the Baskin Robbins that I used to enjoy a pint at a time until my body finally rallied all of its bits into an angry pitch-fork wielding mob and collectively launched brown liquidy spew out of my mouth. It said, "Hey, Bile! And you, Stomach! Not you, Asshole! Grab these picket signs we're storming the Esophagus!"

Then I had to stay off the ice-creams for some time before I could launch myself into another delightful chocolatey binge.

Terry Pratchett is my indulgence. He takes the world as we know it and wraps it in a veil of twisted satire that doesn't actually do much veiling of anything. Instead, it reveals. Reveals the twisted truths of the world that we live in. In the privacy of our bedrooms or toilets where we happen to be reading, we can own up and laugh at ourselves, "hahahaha yeah I'm guilty of that. *snort* " Something we might only do with only the closest friends, and even then not all the time.

Terry Pratchett pokes fun at all of us. And I love it! Can't get enough of it!

And I'm going to share with you some of his literary gems. I don't even care if you don't get it. Like his books, this blog post is completely an indulgence for me. Mwahahaaa.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's a minor example of his wit...

"Everywhere he looked there were 'fat' geysers. Rings of ancient, congealed yellow fat, so old and rancid that even Sam Vimes wouldn't dip his toast in it unless he was really hungry, encircled sizzling little pools. There were even black floating bits, which on second glance turned out to be insects that were slow learners in a hot fat situation.

Vimes recalled something Igor had said. Sometimes dwarfs working the high strata, where the fat had congealed into a kind of tallow millennia ago, found strange ancient animals, perfectly preserved but fried to a crisp.

Probably... Vimes found himself laughing out of sheer exhaustion... probably battered to death.

Mwahahaaa.

The snow was falling heavily now, making the fat pools spit.

Vimes sagged to his knees. He ached all over. It wasn't just that his brain was writing cheques that his body couldn't cash. It had gone beyond that. Now his feet were borrowing money that his legs hadn't got, and his back muscles were looking for loose change under the sofa cushions."

~~~~~~~

Excerpt from his book, "The Fifth Elephant"
.... this excerpt reminds of my current place of work which I won't name but YOU know

Captain Carrot explains, "In Uberwald the dwarfs and trolls haven't settled their old grievances. There are large areas controlled by feudal vampire or werewolf clans, and there are also tracts with much higher than normal background magic. It is a chaotic place, indeed, and you'd hardly think you were in the Century of the Fruitbat. It is to be hoped that things will improve, however, and Uberwald will, happily, be joining the community of nations.'

Vimes and Vetinari exhchanged looks. Sometimes Carrot sounded like a civics essay written by a stunned choirboy.

"Well put,' said the Patrician at last. "But until that joysome day Uberwald remains a mystery inside a riddle wrapped in an enigma."

"Let me see if I've got this right," said Vimes. "Uberwald is like this big suet pudding that everyone's suddenly noticed, and now with this coronation as an excuse we've all got to rush there with knife, fork and spoon to shovel as much on our plates as possible?"

"Your grasp of political reality is masterly, Vimes. You lack only the appropriate vocabulary."

Edgarator Videos Batch 1

2007-10-01T02:25:00.000+08:00

Skip these videos & go read these first:

TRUST ME, You'll Feel Better If You Do
(For some reason, blogger mixed up the order of my posts)

---

These vids are a little unclear but still PRICELESS!!!!

Note: Transformers playing in the background. Listen closely and you can hear Edgar 'sawing logs' through the sound from the show. Camera shook cause I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face.

Continued.... Video 2 (Final Part)

Edgarator Video 2

2007-10-01T02:21:00.000+08:00

No camera tricks folks, this is the real deal!!!
Unfortunately, it's also sideways... couldn't figure out how to flip the darn thing.
This video was taken on Chiet's phone which has so much better resolution than mine. ENJOY

Note: Transformers closing theme playing in the background. Ever notice how it sounds like the theme song from a Cowboy show? Well, Aaron did...

The Edgar-ator!! (Episode 1)

2007-10-01T02:20:00.000+08:00

Continued... Part 2

The Edgar-ator!! (Episode 2)

2007-10-01T02:15:00.001+08:00

At time of posting, Edgar still does not know that these events took place while he was asleep.

Continued... Videos Batch 1

Girlday (A comic) Part 1

2007-09-30T00:11:00.001+08:00

Girlday (A comic) Part 2

2007-09-30T00:06:00.000+08:00

Girlday (A comic) Part 3

2007-09-30T00:01:00.001+08:00

The Clubhouse

2007-09-21T16:29:00.000+08:00

So, we have a club house now. We, would be me... and the 'gang'.

The gang is an amoeba like organisation with people coming and going (usually, going to KL), but these days it generally consists of the following 20-somethings and 30-somethings:

Capes, Tats, Romz, Boon, Jobe, Fon, Hockster, Girly, Ronz, Elmengster, Flo, Paddios, Big J, Rubybaby, Jen, Khimmy San, Eric, Cha boh and some dude named Chiet.

Our satellite members in Kl that I can think of are:
Eds, Suet, Bitch & Barney

These are the guys I usually play Dungeons & Dragons with, have crazy booze parties with, have round table sessions with, and get lost in toilets with after I pass out drunk.

My goblok cousin Capes has been a key part of this group ever since the 'DOT m y' days when a few of us met through a non-profit internet/computer assocation thingy with high ideals. It has devolved to what it is today. MUAH HAHHAHAHA. More power to us.

And I'm working on getting Daphne inducted. Just have to think up an 'induction ritual' now and pass it off as a long-standing rite of passage. (Hoping Daphne won't read this post).

The rite will undoubtedly involve Daphne drinking herself blind! Who's with me? Say 'aye'.

So we used to just gather in front of this cybercafe in Fettes Park called Netcity, our friend being a manager of the chain. However, ever since Edgar aka Jobe fell asleep drunk in the Netcity toilet... (very gross) we thought... a clubhouse be a good idea (very cool).

And now, in the past month... it has come to be!
We now have a double storey semi-detached house in Lembah Permai, with enough garden space to wedge in about 8-10 cars. We have a few mascots (Meng's cat 'Snowball', Jobe's snake and a fish). Snowball roams freely, Jobe's snake is confined to his quarters and the fish, I just heard, moved into its brand new pond that the guys finished digging up last night.

We have a foosball table. I'm dying to get my hands on a pool table. And soon...

Project : Make Terrain for RPG Table-top

Project code : T4TT (Terrain 4 Table Top)

Project leader : Capes

Commencement : When i have at least 3 or more people signing up

Please sign up :

1) Jobe <- Styrafoam supplies and random landscape effects. Methods may prove destructive, and possibly hazardous.

2) Fon, will provide epic level colossal fiendish cat

3)Meng<- styrafoam and any genaral help....>

4)RonZ <- Smoke & Fire / Sound effects

5)Gayle <- Paints and random poundin' (not necessary with a hammer)

6)

7)

8)

Thanks for the response!!

Will get tarted(pun intended) in organising days and EQ needed to build shit up. Or down. No, Rons, we cannot use smoke or fire....sound effects...maybe...

First project :
Elminsters Tower!!
Difficulty : Easy
Needs : A colour laser printer (or access to one) (Boon? Jobe?)
Mounting Board (to stiff things up) 180g simili paper will be perfect (Capes ninja from office)
Glue (not the epoxy resin kind, the average superglue will do)
Scissors (not Edward) or Penknife works
PDF plans (will mail to whoever can print)

Attached below is the Final product and basic guide. Of course this project is opened to "mods". What are we if not "modders" We must mod.

*mod = modify

And I just realised how nerdy we really are.
Really wish I had a camera to document this project. Anyone out there wanna buy me one?

A Girly Drunken Afternoon

2007-09-08T12:23:00.000+08:00

So, cleaned my room. Had a slight accident with the damn air revitaliser. Note to self, don't balance that thing on my bedpost anymore. Remember that it fell the last time and spilled water and fragrance oil all down the steps of my loft bed.

As to what's being planned for the day....

Daphne says: (11:22:04 AM)
i'm reading your ocd blog...hahahaha...

Daphne says: (11:22:11 AM)
just got to the part about the clothes pegs

Gayle says: (11:22:37 AM)
yeah, all that coffee - made me feel industrious about taking pictures

Daphne says: (11:22:56 AM)
haha....shirl there yet?

Gayle says: (11:23:07 AM)
nah. she decided she'd go do some chores first and come over about 1

Daphne says: (11:23:30 AM)
alrighty

Gayle says: (12:12:20 PM)
babe, could u bring the sticky roller thing 4me pls?

Daphne says: (12:12:47 PM)
i've been trying to find my new one but can't find it....

Daphne says: (12:13:01 PM)
will bring you the one i use....you use it first la in the meantime....haha....

Gayle says: (12:14:27 PM)
no need lah babe

Daphne says: (12:14:53 PM)
i hardly use it anyway....

Daphne says: (12:15:32 PM)
nevermind....since i'm going to hunt for the ribena afterwards....you want me to buy 1 for you if i happen to see it?

Gayle says: (12:15:48 PM)
yes pls :D

Daphne says: (12:15:59 PM)
ok....if got i'll get it for you la....

Gayle says: (12:17:19 PM)
i wanna drink oredy

Gayle says: (12:17:20 PM)
want want want

Gayle says: (12:17:27 PM)
i think shirl's bringing 2 types of vodka and chivas

Daphne says: (12:17:44 PM)
walau....we gonna be drunk....

Daphne says: (12:18:14 PM)
did u tell her to bring her makeup kit over? hahaha.....

Gayle says: (12:19:21 PM)
haha yes. she said she lazy, and refused at first. but then realised that she'd better otherwise she suddenly gatai then i have to turn her into a zombie with my makeup again

Gayle says: (12:21:14 PM)
i could also use some super absorbant tampons. hahahaha

Daphne says: (12:22:05 PM)
hot diggity....i found the sticky roller thingy!!

Daphne says: (12:22:12 PM)
i was on a MISSION!

Gayle says: (12:22:38 PM)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Gayle says: (12:22:42 PM)
see i told you!

Gayle says: (12:22:49 PM)
it's... what's the damn word

Daphne says: (12:22:58 PM)
dude, it's rubbing off....damn....

Gayle says: (12:23:03 PM)
lol yeah no shit

Gayle says: (12:23:07 PM)
wait till i get u with the laundry

Daphne says: (12:23:26 PM)
*screams and runs away*

Laundry OCD

2007-09-07T00:21:00.000+08:00

O.C.D.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

It's a fickle thing. It doesn't mean that I'm a neat freak. No, it's not that. It means that certain things tweak me the wrong way. And I'm only a mild case, with infrequent symptoms.

Like turning the lights on, then off, then on, then off... to make sure it really was off.
Like making sure all my appointments are written in my diary otherwise I simply cannot function because I don't truly believe that the appointments are real unless they're written down. Even when the appointment is over & done with, knowing it wasn't written down beforehand nags at me.

My best friend Shirley once threatened to throw my diary at me cause I wanted to 'pencil in' a coffee date with her at Gurney Plaza while we were riding the elevator... at Gurney Plaza.

Like trying to find lighter gas refill. Wasn't even my lighter. The owner was like 'to hell with that' after the first shop. And I went, "Nooooooooooo." "NOOOOOOOOOO let's go here, come along. Nope. Yeah. Let's try here too." And yeah we finally found it, and I was happy. And Daphne was pointing at me, and shaking her head, giggling and repeating "OCD. OCD, man. Dude you were on a mission. Hahahaha."
Like when I accidentally left my exercise ball at Starbucks. Despite knowing that my friend who works in MPH was going to retrieve it for me, I made Daphne drive over there with me anyway cause I'd feel really shitty if I lost it and knew I myself didn't attempt to physically go over there to retrieve it. So we went. And sat in the car waiting. I felt good just being within the vicinity of it.

And once I parked the car, after all the hyperactive caffeine induced chatter and laughing and praying my stuff didn't walk away on its own two legs, I said to Daphne in a tragic undervoice...

"You know. I wasn't always like this babe."

I get greeted by shrieks of laughter.
*wry look*

((All I can say to Daphne now is... what's up with not buying a new lighter for the longest time cause you felt like you're being a traitor to your old favourite one that broke? Eh? *poke* ))

And then in the car, I continued to story Daphne about my Laundry OCD. Which is peculiar. Because before I moved back home, I was never afflicted with it. But one day while hanging out my laundry, my mum passed this disease on to me.

I hung my clothes with whichever clothes pegs were to hand. And then she looks at me and tut tuts. She takes the damn thing from me, and then removes the green peg... and replaces it with an orange peg... to match the other peg. "See? Matching coloured pegs," she says, damn pleased with herself.

I laugh my arse off at her. I go, "Oohh OOh look ma, look what I'm doing." And then purposely switch the colour of the pegs just to irritate her and make her laugh.

And then the strangest thing happened. I squinted and paused. And made them the same colour again.

And I've been that way ever since. Worse. It's not just limited to the colour of the peg. But the type. And the size. And and and and it's political affiliations even, if it HAS to come to that!!!!!!!!

Let me show you.

This is where it gets ugly.

I feel shame.

But you know, the slim hangers are for like T-shirts and stuff. And the bloated oval ones are for like shorts. And the huge bloated ones are for like, jeans and undies and stuff.

And and and. The average pegs are for regular clothes. The bigger pegs are for jeans and heavier clothes. And the long pegs are to clip collars together around the top of a hanger to make sure they don't get out of shape! And those cute old fashioned woody pegs are for hanging stuff out on a regular laundry line - like towels and socks.

Really.

And delicate wash bags are for like delicate clothes and girly clothes with those tangly long bits. And I have round 'shaped' bags to keep my bras in shape and to make sure my heavy studded-belts don't knock all my other clothes senseless.

And I do 5 loads.

Normal whites. (Regular soap + softener + normal spin cycle)
Normal coloured. (same)
Jeans. (Just soap. No softener. And normal spin cycle)
Delicate whites. (A little less of that harsh soap. Softener. Delicate cycle)
Delicate coloured. (Same)

Now I know my friends laugh at me about this. But am I really the only one who does this?

Shahfizzletennis

2007-09-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

So I was talking to Daphne today about my dilemma.

I said, "Babe. Should I send that follow up email? I didn't get any response from my original mail you know although I have evidence that it was received and read. So you know, to drive my point home kinda thing and to encourage a response from the follow up one? I mean shall I be dogged about it till a new result is received. I'm half a mind about it."

And she was like, "Babe."

"You send the ball over to his court right. And he's supposed to send it back. And is it that important anyway that you need it back... that you end up doing all the work in the end?"

"I mean, picture this. You send the ball over."

"Then you actually walk over to the other side and bring it back."

*significant pause*

"AND Then you send the ball over again. And then you go again and bring it back."

"Send it over. Bring it back. Send it over. Bring it back."

*Daphne gives me a look*

*crickets*

Muah hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

I think to myself... no one's ever put anything to me quite like that. Not only was it hilarious while being wonderfully forthright. It was instantly convincing & a ridiculous enough image for me to say, "Hell yeah. Fuck that shit." Sometimes, all the psychobabble just takes too long.

Finally, Daphne quips...
"It's your O.C.D. again isn't it?"

The Mutton Debate

2007-09-05T04:22:00.000+08:00

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:17:47 AM)
i tell you , u can make a bestseller from my msn convos

Gayle says: (4:18:03 AM)
totally man, you're my best msn based blog-fodder lah

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:18:28 AM)
how nice to know, still no skypee though lol

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:18:51 AM)
oh waiyt, there u are!

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:19:23 AM)
only missing cam now

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:20:04 AM)
oh yay that works

Gayle says: (4:20:09 AM)
u be mutton!

Gayle says: (4:20:24 AM)
because you went yay

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:20:25 AM)
u plan on making mutton go yay?

Gayle says: (4:20:29 AM)
hmmmm, what an idea

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:20:31 AM)
rofl

Gayle says: (4:20:41 AM)
discussion - how does one make mutton go yay?

Gayle says: (4:20:42 AM)
tickling it?

Gayle says: (4:20:50 AM)
stuffing it hard with herbs and tittilating it with lime?

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:20:50 AM)
fucking it silly of course

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:21:22 AM)
that would work too

Gayle says: (4:21:23 AM)
maybe massaging its flesh with rosemary till its coarse and grainy and ready to be cooked

Gayle says: (4:21:32 AM)
hahahaha, lame

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:21:35 AM)
dammit now im hungry

Gayle says: (4:21:38 AM)
HAHAHAHAH

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:21:49 AM)
or u can stuff it btwn your boobies till it screams yay

Gayle says: (4:22:18 AM)
hehehe, how to make mutton go yay, hmm...

Gayle says: (4:22:33 AM)
turn it back into a kambing?

Gayle says: (4:22:36 AM)
feed it to a kambing?

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:22:40 AM)
no no no

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:22:44 AM)
u take the mutton

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:22:56 AM)
and work on it till it yells im kambing! then goes yay

Gayle says: (4:23:05 AM)
HAHAHAHAH ASDJFEID;A KD;ksdha

Gayle says: (4:23:08 AM)
gimme a sec, u give me so much blog fodder i can't keep up lah

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:23:13 AM)
kk

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (4:23:36 AM)
FUCK I FORGOT THE PILLOWS

Rom Keeper of Secrets, Corruptor of Souls

2007-09-05T04:09:00.000+08:00

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:08:12 AM)
no wanking at the clubhouse for now

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:08:21 AM)
at least not until after i fuck a neighbour

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:08:28 AM)
oh god im demented

Gayle says: (3:09:10 AM)
right

Gayle says: (3:09:14 AM)
i still don't see the logic, but what the hey

Gayle says: (3:09:20 AM)
i'm blogging that - if i may?

Gayle says: (3:09:32 AM)
*chuckle*

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:09:37 AM)
even if i dont allow it

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:09:44 AM)
heck ud do it

Rom || Keeper of Secrets , Corruptor of Souls says: (3:09:47 AM)
so yr point is?

Tollbooth Aaron impersonates Chiru

2007-09-05T03:45:00.001+08:00

Chuckle

2007-09-04T19:44:00.001+08:00

Daphne: *reads blog*

Daphne says: what is "salad is a cargo you could do?"

*snigger*

Portable Pamper Pole

2007-09-04T19:36:00.000+08:00

The Portable Pamper Pole.

*blink*

Say it with me.... Porrrtabuhl Pamper Pohhhl.

No no, you've gotta get your mouth round those syllables baby!

Pohhhr-ta-buhl Pahm-pur PohhhhL

Good. Now, cross your eyes slightly and try to drool a little bit.... "portable pamper pole."

mm hmm, that's it... now put your hands out like this - like you're a Velociraptor.... yup, and hop... no no, bounce gently on the balls of your feet.

yup yup that's it..... "portable pamper pole"

You GOT IT!

No, there's no point to this post.
But ask Tollbooth Aaron for a demonstration & his story about the Portable Pamper Pole.

Stalker

2007-09-04T19:02:00.001+08:00

*singsong*
Tollbooth Aaron has a stalker. Tollboth Aaron has a crazy chinkaloids stalker.

muah hahahaha

Picture this:
Girl passed out on road at KPM apartment carpark.
Tollbooth Aaron renders help.
Girl regains consciousness eventually, and....

SCCREEEAMMMSS!!!!!!

Fast forward... and picture this:
Girl gets helped up to her apartment.
Clutching Winnie the Pooh, swaying on the sofa... staring into space.
Tollbooth Aaron cleans her wounds, and eventually manages to leave after confirming her lucidity, closing door behind him.

Tollbooth Aaron visits guardhouse on a prior errand.

Leaves guardhouse, visits girl one last time:
Door is open, Tollbooth Aaron feels fear.
Readies fist weapons, initiative +1
Rounds the corner and behold...

Girl standing in the middle of room gazing up trance-like at spinning ceiling fan.

"Woi" Tollbooth Aaron breaks girl out of her reverie.
Counselling 101 ensues.
Tollbooth Aaron offers name card, just in case - for his Chaotic Good has kicked in, although True Neutral is urging him to get the hell outta there.

Tollbooth Aaron goes home. Goes to sleep.
Girlfriend returns.
Phone rings. Yarrr.

Crazy girl be calling. Conversation goes something like this:

Tollbooth Aaron (TA) : Are you okay?
Crazy Girl (CG): Yes, I just wanted to say thank you and apologise for what happened. Do you have a girlfriend?
TA: Yes but she's not around right now, it's okay we can talk if you need to talk.
CG: ohhh you have a girlfriend. Ohhh.... I cannot talk to you. I'm embarassed, no I cannot.
TA: No, no it's okay.... are you alright? If you need someone to talk to I consider you a neighbour so it's fine.
CG: Oh, oh...

*mindless dialogue, fast forward*

CG: Oh, so do you have a girlfriend?
TA: *blink blink* uh. yes, I do.
CG: Oh, like that I 'pai seh' i cannot talk to you....

*mindless blather, fast forward again*

CG: Oh, so you have a girlfriend?
TA: *cross eyed* yessssss, i have a girlfriend. but are you alright? do you have anyone, your friends to come and visit you make sure you're better or what?
CG: oh yeah, uhh yeah tomorrow...

*mindless blahdiblah... you know the drill*

CG: Oh, uh. So you have a girlfriend huh?
Ok you have a girlfriend I don't want to talk to you.

*click*

*Daphne & Gayle singing*
Tollbooth Aaron has a stallllllkerrrr.

Working Stiffs (Goblok Roadtrip Epilogue)

2007-09-02T05:25:00.000+08:00

But you ask, where's the third Goblok?

Ahhah! All I can say is.... the boy went back to taking it from behind. HAHAHAHAHAH.

But yeah, Aaron's in this picture too.
Instead of being the star in them, Aaron returned to being the guy behind them.

"Encounters with the Selvibush" (Goblok Roadtrip diaries)

2007-09-02T04:59:00.000+08:00

The journey home!!!!!

Of course, one can never take enough pictures. An impromptu photoshoot (with props) at the first rest-stop (also our Tongkat Ali coffee stop) was called for!

Behold, the Selvibush has been immortalised!
More than one traveller at that rest-stop thought they were on candid camera from just watching us have at it with the Selvibush.

One petrol stop, more snapshots and a bizarre John Travolta impersonation later...

... and we were home sweet home.

The End

"Poke" (Goblok Roadtrip Diaries)

2007-09-02T04:39:00.001+08:00

We'd dropped Daphne off, made our campus visit to Brickfields college and were trying to find our way to April's place. The cracks were seriously starting to show.

At a red light, I playfully poke Aaron's cheek and make a noise something like a 'balloon fart'.
And then Aaron, he says....

"poke"

shrieks of laughter. hysterical tears. it's like that for 10 minutes.
I completely cracked from lack of sleep and just way too much coffee.

After finally getting ourselves un-lost, both Aaron and I promptly passed out... and were refreshed in the evening for a night out at Heritage Row... only to pick on rhythmless chinkaloids performing traumatic dance movements at the Sunshine club.

And then joined up with none other than Jay, 2006 Cleo Bachelor number 12 himself *snigger*... and continued making complete arses of ourselves.

... but creditable effort was made to posh ourselves up for pictures...

Of course - Aaron, being a man's man scored with...

a sakai.

And so here we are... 3 Gobloks, a bar + 1 sakai (*cough* I mean, tribal type singer dude).

Tollbooth Aaron (Goblok Roadtrip Diaries)

2007-09-02T04:26:00.000+08:00

This picture's so good I had to post it again.

Think 'Tickle Me Elmo'. The 'Tollbooth Aaron' stuffed doll comes equipped with a Starbucks Machiatto in one hand, and snazzy one liners that only become audible within a 1 meter radius of any toll plaza.

"Live long and prosper."
"May the force be with you."
"Is Penang down the road? Here? This road? Sure? Okthankuvrymuchahhhhhh"

... are just some of them.

Soon to be added to the Tollbooth Aaron's vocabulary are:

"Woot I'm coming."
and
"Salad is a cargo you could do."

The journey began with a stop at the e-Gate starbucks for the 3 Penang Gobloks who'd barely had any sleep the night before... Daphne, Aaron & yours truly.

Fast forward 1 hour into the trip, the coffee's all gone. My Chemical Romance has been blasting on the CD player (indeed, it blasted the entire trip) and countless motorists have been made fun of.

At one of the first few tolls, Aaron grabs the toll ticket and solemnly pronounces to the tollbooth person... "May the force be with you" before zooming off to shrieks of caffeine induced laughter.

The pressure builds, and Tollbooth Aaron is forced to perform, nay... to raise his standards even... at every toll stop thereafter or suffer the scorn of his female companions. More coffee is called for.

All in all, 3 Starbucks beverages and about 4 Nescafe's in a can were consumed for the 4 hour journey.

The Goblok Roadtrip

2007-09-02T04:24:00.000+08:00

3 Gobloks, a camera and a KL weekend.

Never.Again.

2007-09-02T04:04:00.001+08:00

My arse is blue black from all the self-kicking.

Chinkaloids.
Mandarin karaoke.
A drinking joint called.... D'Joint.
Drinking games with dice over a low table.
Rainy Night.
No dancing.
I could've been elsewhere having a.... ahem. Well.

Next time I'll know better.
*handcuffs self to Daphne*

Blue Balls

2007-08-30T17:02:00.000+08:00

Daphne and I are the proud owners of a pair of blue balls.
Yup. I said it. Blue balls.

Gayle says: btw, i'm sitting on my ball

Daphne says: show aaron ur ball...bounce him around on it....haha...

Gayle says: hahaha

Gayle says: he can come over lah, i lazy

Gayle says: and i need to shit

Daphne says: hahah...lazy ass...

Daphne says: bounce some more and ur shit will be bouncing around too....

Gayle says: cause it's a yardless day, conga line too good day!

Daphne says: macchiatos are not good for you

Gayle says: that's what sylvia says too
Gayle says: everyone picks on me
Gayle says: i get no love

.

Conk a Collie

2007-08-28T19:31:00.000+08:00

Girly maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man

Gosh my old calculator ain't got no bow
Nippley man I met, he ate my motorboat
Calm down and park that funky shin guard armor
Welcome the dude who ain't the buyer of mugs
Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man

(Chiru runs at the girl)
RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP YOUR MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(Dance break)

Woot, I'm coming!
Mutton goes yay!
Cook the chicano's day
Mucho caliente
I'll eat wasabe* on my dude!
All my body just got ruled
Kinda like a fist on road
One more body for your car
Oooo! Oooo! Papa's restaurant
Ooooooooooooooo you'll be pumping Ovaltine
Or Salty Shanty's One-Shot Tea

(Chiru creeps up behind the girl)
Roll, jam, belching, raving son
Mork* and bull and mumued* star

Shouted: Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer! Killer!
Chiru: Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man
Shouted: Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer! Killer!
Vocoder: Please don't buy the bald seal
(Dance break)

Chiru: Move them, Connie
Let me go yay
'Cause it's a yardless day
Conga line too, good day!
Salad is a cargo you could do
Chet's my buddy, Chester Rowe
Called him at the coaster room
Smashing all the people up
It's the child no parka rule
Ooooo laddie, ready, bite your knee
Ooooo conk a collie, conquer he!

(Chiru emerges from the bushes in smoke)
Deal them, peel them, people look shocked
Move, too, then you got private shower

Shouted: Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer! Killer!
Chiru: Girly man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man
Girly man, man, man, man, man, man

Gosh my old calculator ain't got no bow
Nippley* man I met, he ate my motorboat
Calm down and park that funky shin guard armor
Welcome the dude who ain't the buyer of mugs
Girly man
Man, man, man, man, man

(Girl screams)

*blink* I didn't make this up. Click me for the music video.

Advanced Riding Skill Level 10

2007-08-28T03:16:00.000+08:00

Rom || Keeper of Secrets says: (3:16:14 AM)
Baby Rodeo (see also "Buckin' Bronco", "Butt Rodeo", "Fat Chick Rodeo", "Rodeo Clown", "Rodeo Sex") - (for the ladies) When riding your partner who's about to blow his load, give some good pounding strokes. When he's at the point of no return, scream out 'Let's make a baby!'. See how long you can hold on, while he tries to throw you off of his erupting cock. One night stands should only be considered for the more advanced rider.

Gayle says: (3:16:40 AM)
POEAJ'DIJF'PAKDJ

Gayle says: (3:16:42 AM)
HEID'A;

Gayle says: (3:16:44 AM)
HAHAHAHAHAahahaha

Rom || Keeper of Secrets says: (3:17:05 AM)
lol

Gayle says: (3:17:15 AM)
hahah bloody hell

Gayle says: (3:17:18 AM)
I NEED TO BLOG THAT

Gayle says: (3:17:24 AM)
neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed

Rom || Keeper of Secrets says: (3:17:29 AM)
o hell yeah :D

Crash Test Dummy

2007-08-27T03:59:00.000+08:00

It all began with a toothache halfway through a dull Friday afternoon. Popping by the pharmacist for a quick fix so that I could concentrate on work for the rest of the afternoon... turned out to be a mistake.

A mistake that swelled completely out of proportion within half an hour of consuming the painkiller and anti-swelling combination prescribed over the counter. As it turns out, I am in fact allergic to the painkiller Ibrufen.

[space saved for picture - coming soon]

Aaron who swiftly ran down to the pharmacy for advice returned saying, "They said sucks to be you. You're allergic. Wait for it to go down." Grrrreat.

So a trip to the family clinic that evening, an injection and a good scold from the family doctor later - and I was passed out on a pink fluffy cloud of chemical induced bliss for the rest of that Friday right through to.... well, Sunday. By which time I looked almost human again and was able to wean myself off the anti-allergy medications.

But then my toothache, which still had not been remedied, began to fill my world with blinding rainbow-coloured pinpricks of pain.

Monday saw me at the dentist's office where good old Dr Eng pronounced me to be too full of wisdom. So to prevent me from becoming unacceptable to my peers *snigger*, proceeded to extract it from my lower right jaw.

A surgical procedure was called for because my wisdom was apparently quite attached to me and stubbornly refused to cooperate with the good doctor.

I would now like to apologise to Dr Eng for mistakenly grabbing his crotch instead of the armrest when he jabbed my puss-filled gums with a needle and enquired ever politely, "pain ah?"

*cough* I think I answered his question rather eloquently without having to utter a sound.

Fast forward 2 hours. With gauze in my mouth, a sick leave certificate for 3 days and another pile of medication in my hand, I was able to stagger to the office for a quick-stop before heading home.

"Oh my god, Mike Tyson!" laughed my brother when he saw me waltzing in like a common punched-up drunk with an incredibly swollen jaw. Needless to say, for the rest of that week, Ian (my older brother by 10 years I should add) would suffer sudden bouts of Tourettes in my presence.

His symptoms included a physical tic which I fondly call his 'spasm-dance' along with a vocal tic that sounded like... "---- Tysen --- Taisen---- Tyson!"

When the doctor insisted that I would really need those 3 days of sick leave, I didn't quite believe him. I ended up taking about 5 days to recover because:

a) The pain was unbelievable on Tuesday & Wednesday. I was popping Voltaren (a superbly strong painkiller), Ponstan (yet another pain killer lasting only 6 hours) and Antibiotics. And when these chemicals were in my bloodstream, I could actually enjoy a few hours of normalcy in the day before I became engulfed by a feeling of dulled exhaustion and the onset of renewed aching.

b) For the night time, half a sleeping tablet ensured a night undisturbed by pain. But completely disturbed by vivid dreams. And an incredible, unexplainable... 'impulse'.

And by the following morning I'd resemble something close to a romping zombie (yeah, romping - not rampaging).

c) By Thursday, my stomach had turned upside down from all the chemicals and incredible nausea had set in along with short bouts of feeling blue.

d) By Friday, I had taken the last round of medication and was looking forward to a drug free weekend. I even felt well enough to paint the town red that night knowing I'd have a commitment free weekend to relax. And the evening was thoroughly enjoyable, marred only by a short period of self-pity that set in after supper. I distinctly remember saying to Daphne in the car, "I wanted to have a girl-talk with you because I really thought it would help me cry and get over it... but I just can't seem to relinquish the control to do it." Bah.

Then on Saturday, while settling in to relax for the weekend, I get a call that Mum's in the hospital emergency unit and Ian's coming to get me. Oh my god. Did not help that nagging fears regarding my parents' advancing age and the fickleness of life were all part of the depressing thoughts that consumed me in my depressive state during the week. I was calm though, self-control ever present & focusing only on what was to be done next.

In the emergency room, Mum seemed to be better and all didn't seem as bad as we thought. I cracked a few jokes with her to cheer her up while we waited. She got admitted for observation and further tests overnight. My brother and sis-in-law left for a prior pressing commitment & I remained with Dad handling minor details like buying toothpaste and magazines. I drove my father home to rest, have dinner and to put together an overnight bag for Mum before having to return to the hospital to deliver it.

I took to my bed for a short nap.
And suddenly, turned into a raving, blithering, weeping idiot.

I began texting friends, making calls. I was trying to find someone who'd be a reassuring & diverting presence on the other end of the phone (and someone who wouldn't be judgmental and think I was a raving loony to boot). The last thing I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts cause I know where that road leads.

Kanineh! Thanks Aaron for being more interested in your dinner than in my distress. "Damn, girl, you gotta get off those painkillers lah" was not particularly helpful. But grudgingly I admit, hilarious in hindsight. Hehe.

And Thank God, I finally found relief with Ravin. Thanks buddy for chatting with me. You joked me out of my ill-humour faster than any therapist could have psycho-analysed me off his couch, and faster than I would have done myself if I'd been left alone to just think.

As it turns out, my week-long chemical romance granted my wish for emotional release.

Crash Test Dummy meet Wall of Unexplicable Emotion. Bam!

Now, just a day later & after plenty of water to cleanse my system, with all traces of extreme emotions having dissolved like so much candy floss... I look back on the past week and marvel at modern medicine. I also seem to have regained just enough eloquence to look back on the past week and utter, "imagine that."

Coming Soon...

2007-08-13T14:47:00.000+08:00

There was conversation...

Daphne: "Hey Babe, dunnolah... My Ass Hurts."

*pregnant silence*
*a sudden moment of understanding comes to be*

Aaron: "Damnnnnnn, nigger damnnn!"
Gayle: "Ohmygod babe, please spare us the details."

Daphne: "No no no no no no, that's not what I mean lah. I mean my ass hurts....

but from the back."

Aaron: *confused* "Okay! And my ass hurts from the side."
*sings* "To the left, to the left"

************

There was singing...

Shah, Shah, Shasputin
Lover of a Goblok Queen...
lalalala, lalala, lala... love machine..

************

There is evidence...

All this and more...
in the Chronicles of the Goblok Roadtrip
coming soon to a blog near you.

Gobloktrons

2007-08-06T17:38:00.001+08:00

Meet the new breed of Transformers, dedicated to preserving all-you-can-eat buffets.
They are unique in that each one transforms into a Serani, except for Prime Ribs who is "turning Japanese."

PRIME RIBS
Prime Ribs is the heroic leader of the Gobloktrons. She is the personification of courage, strength and determination when confronted with a seafood buffet. Her personal motto is, "Freedom to tuck in is the right of all sentient beings."

HAMMER-HIDE
(with a silent h)
Hammer-hide is the toughest Gobloktron around. More than one Goblok has busted an O-ring just from seeing him lift a cheek. He sees himself as the cold, iron gut backing up Prime's inspiring meal invitations.

SHAZZ
(short for Short-Azz)
Shazz picked his garish hue to match the colour of his one and only tie, which he thinks is the epitome of style. If there's one thing he digs about Earth, it's Blingdians.
His favourite Earthling phrases are, "You Poppadom Rascal" and "I got class."

BUMBLEBEE-STINGS
As a Gobloktron spy, Bumblebee-stings is the worst robot emissary.
What she lacks in tact and diplomacy, she makes up for with massive gazungas.
She enjoys the company of her fellow Gobloks and would do anything for Crab Curry & Fried Mantau despite her allergies to seafood.

Shirley onna Velcro Wall

2007-08-04T13:16:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, in the land of Yahoo Messenger...

*Shirley has logged in.*

Gayle Barbosa: BABE!
Gayle Barbosa: babe
Gayle Barbosa: babeh
Gayle Barbosa: babahboobobowoot

* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: *squint*
Gayle Barbosa: where'd u go
Gayle Barbosa: *checks my pocket*
Gayle Barbosa: not there, hmmmm

*Shirley has logged in.*
*Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: YOU'VE BEEN CHATNAPPED!
Gayle Barbosa: OMG!
Gayle Barbosa: the bastards!
Gayle Barbosa: *faints*

*Shirley has logged in.*

Gayle Barbosa: I see you! I see you! I'm coming! DO NOT FEAR

* Shirley has logged out*
*Shirley has logged in.*

Gayle Barbosa: *grabs onto you and defies the LAGMONSTERS TO TAKE YOU AWAY YET AGAIN*
Gayle Barbosa: ye will nae hae the pleasure of this maiden, ye foul FIENDS!

* Shirley has logged out*
*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: *stab*
Gayle Barbosa: *stab stab stab*
Gayle Barbosa: *chomps on lagmonster ankle*
Gayle Barbosa: gaaarrrrh nnngaaarrrrrrr aarrbbbbbbb

*Shirley has logged in.*

Gayle Barbosa: UNHAND HER YOU HAIRY GOAT'S BALLS!!!

* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: *crickets*

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: *begins to apply a velcro wall*
Gayle Barbosa: hang on babe, i've got an idea
Gayle Barbosa: *glue glue stick stick* VELCRO
Gayle Barbosa: yaaaarrrr
Gayle Barbosa: *wonders* now how do i get this velcro on her
Gayle Barbosa: *remembers something*

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: BABE, PULL DOWN YOUR DRAWERS!!!!!
Gayle Barbosa: AND AIM FOR THE VELCRO WALL!!!!!

*Shirley has logged in.*

*SILENCE*

Gayle Barbosa: did it work? did it work? did it work?

* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: darn it
Gayle Barbosa: *spots a flourescent mushroom*

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*

Gayle Barbosa: *trots away mesmerized* oooh

*Shirley has logged in.*
* Shirley has logged out*

Fuckers

2007-08-03T11:09:00.000+08:00

*stab*

*stabs juana rempit*

*staaaaaaaaaaaaaaab*

"You have to buy the flower to take a bath"

...is what my Art Director recommends, in broken English today. He suggests I do something about cleansing my run of ill luck. Of course, if you'd read my earlier post - I clearly INTENDED to have shitty things happen to me, and made choices that led to yesterday's events. Or, it was determined by GOD (at the time of the big bang) that I would get robbed of my valuables and the enjoyment of my Double Hot Fudge Sundae at the Green Lane McDonald's outlet on Wednesday the 2nd of August at 4.45pm

Either way, it sucked to be me.
It also sucked to be Aaron and Daphne who were sitting with me when it happened.

Poor Aaron getting kicked in the (I don't know where, hope it wasn't his nads) for his effort in trying to catch the dudes on the run. And boy did he run, fast and a far distance... halfway down the main road beside Penang Free School to be exact. All he got for his effort was a defiant middle finger.

Thanks Aaron for being such a bloody sport! Peeps, let me tell you about him. Aaron aka Capes didn't even think - running after the two Juans on their metallic maroon, Yamaha (we suspect) motorbike (Plate Number KCA 7073) was his immediate and instinctive reaction.

And if I didn't have reason enough to love my cousin to bits - that alone makes me want to will beloved Chigger to him when I die.

*Although really boy, if they'd had a knife and hurt you in any way I would've never forgiven either of us. But I still love you for knowing what might happen and doing it anyway.*

And thanks Daphne for bearing me company all the hours afterwards - taking me to the various police stations, making me laugh, doing the whole Malay-English translation thing with Sergeant Md Isa of Team B, who thankfully didn't try to flirt with you (unlike Sgt. Zulkifli was it?). My recently acquired Malay proficiency refresher course was no help in that time of stress. If only I had written an essay about exotic dancing, I would've known that 'riba' is the Malay word for lap.

Thanks also Daphne for pointing at me without hesitation when the Corporal asked if you were the Filipina, right after he'd grabbed that Bangla and thrown him in the lockup on suspicion of being an illegal immigrant. *squint*

And to Ian, who graciously guarded my car at McDonald's for a couple of hours despite a blinding pain in the ass (literally) - no words can describe my gratefulness at having you for my only brother. If I was ever given a chance to choose, I would choose you.

To Amran, who was my brother's relief on vehicular guard duty (cause he had to go lie down by this time) - thanks also for what must have been a boring few hours. And then for running around to get my spare keys for me. Thanks for being such a buddy!

To Edgar, who showed up and drove Aaron & Daphne back to their cars, "like bloody Tokyo drift, man" - thanks for helping out as always.

Thanks also for the concern & well wishes from the rest of you. It means a lot to me that you care. Especially Rommel, who just suggested I play a bit of NationStates for the express purpose of creating citizens, naming them Juans, and then oppressing the hell out of them. (Which is ironic cause Rommel is a juan, or semi-juan, or pseudo-juan... whatever)

As for me, I just hope that those dudes who rode away with about a thousand bucks of my cash, shoot up with enough crack to kill themselves so we can be rid of them finally - or that by some stroke of strange luck, that they choke on my super absorbant tampons.

I should also add, no thanks go out at ALL to the management of McDonald's who confessed that snatch theft happens at their outlet every week (indoor and outdoor), and so it really depends on whose luck it is to get hit - like a non-lottery. And as my luck should have it, hours after the crime... at exactly the same spot... a drink gets spilled all over me, my lighter refuses to work, Daphne's phone and mine start acting strangely... and we both go "hmmmm...". At which point, she suggests I drive home slowly and lie in bed without moving until the next day. And I thought, 'with my luck, I'd still probably get a leg cramp or something.'

PS: If you do happen to see a motorbike with the plates KCA 7073, please make sure it isn't an RXZ (or was it an EX5?) before you decide to ram it down. For I am almost certain that God's Will doesn't include an early death by accident for that poor Juan in Perlis whose plates got stolen.

Now if you will excuse me, my Godma passed away this morning. And I need to look into taking a flower bath.

The Perfect Eyebrows

2007-08-01T18:17:00.001+08:00

Clearly, I have no qualms about flaunting my gorgeousness publicly.

What it means to be a free spirit.

2007-07-31T22:21:00.000+08:00

I have often been called a free spirit and each time I have wondered upon its meaning. Sometimes it is said with a grimace and a frown, sometimes with wonder and curiosity, sometimes with approval and appreciation.

Questioning the person further, I am usually given explanations that vary from ‘happy go-lucky’ or ‘irresponsible’ to ‘liberated’ or ‘flower child’, and more.

What I do know for sure is that these people are not comparing me with “a shot of Chivas, served on the house”, no matter how much I would prefer being objectified as something that warms the body and bolsters a flagging spirit.

free spirit
n. One who is not restrained, as by convention or obligation; a nonconformist.
n. A person with a highly individual or unique attitude, lifestyle or imagination.

How would you like your Chivas served?
“You are a free spirit” is just a statement. Depending on how we want to swallow it, it can go down bitter or sweet.

In the Malaysian context – Asian values and general ‘conformity’ - would be the Coca-Cola mixer for my Chivas.

The Coca-Cola Treatment…
Applying the Coca-Cola treatment against personal preference can be similarly equated to:
People marrying ‘pilihan keluarga’ despite being in love with someone else
People not being allowed to marry outside the race
Males being pushed into marriage to continue the family name
Which is all well and good if Coke was what you wanted in the first place.

The Coconut Juice Treatment…
And how many of you know someone who has understood all the wants and pressures of family & society – but chose to do the least popular thing anyway?

Either Way, You Mix It, You Drink It
Finally, how many are ALWAYS happy with their choices either way – and have no regrets? As far as I can see, there’s no precise way to predict a guaranteed result (result = happy or unhappy?) by living your life in a prescribed way.

Because Happiness is a Point of View, Just like Sin
Some people enjoy being martyrs. To all outward appearances they act like they are constantly placed on the sacrificial table, like it or not. They do things because they ‘HAVE’ to and will tell you, “I had no choice.” No choice? Really?

Some people enjoy being victims. To all outward appearances they have been made use of, abused and walked on. Their happiness is limited because they cannot get past what happened to them. Cannot? Or will not?

(And yet others would read the above and cast negative judgement on people who fit these descriptions, or on the author of these descriptions for trivializing their problems, or on themselves for seeming to fit one of these descriptions…)

Is It Even Possible To Make Bad Choices?
Hindsight is perfect. If you knew better, wouldn’t you have naturally made a better choice? Or are you suggesting that people make bad choices on purpose? But if it serves your purpose – how is that a bad choice?

Perhaps the answer lies in knowing your true purpose (what you tell yourself vs how you are lying to yourself) and in making certain that what you tell yourself is in agreement with what you truly believe you deserve & want for yourself.

Which do you choose first - The Bar or The Beverage?
Being happy can be a choice. Being happy can also be the result of a choice. Think about it.

Why All The Questions, And Damn You Now I’m Thirsty.
Why indeed.

In my humble opinion, it’s up to the individual to decide how to interpret the world, place value on all the things in it, and make choices that align with these values.

Things, thoughts, people, places… they change every second. Every tap on my keyboard influences the next. My view of this blogpost may change after a good night’s rest and a hearty fiber filled breakfast tomorrow.

The drink I had the very first time I got drunk at 17, has something to do with what I choose to drink today. The bar I went to last month, alters my level of satisfaction with the bars I used to go to before that, and the bars I choose to patronize now, and therefore the people I would meet, the connections I might make, the business deals I might clinch as a result... the chain of cause and effect is endless and if you really want to find the root of all blame... it starts with the big bang, or God... depending on your religion. Which basically means - why do anything? When what's about to happen to us has already been decided upon even before we were born.

Or, we can take the reigns by taking accountibility for everything that happens to us - as a result of the choices we make... and thereby, be granted the gift of being able to make new choices next time.

Every choice is individualistic in nature – it either happens to conform, or it doesn’t. And things change, even after the choice has been made.

What it means to ME be to be called a Free Spirit…
Like delightful shots of Chivas, served on the house…

…I can warm the body & bolster a flagging spirit, inspire passion and good humour while allowing you the freedom & space to be melancholy if that is your wish…
… Make you feel good even if you have done something bad, because good people have been known to occasionally do bad things…
…Leave you with enough courage to see you through something more than you would have had the courage to do before me, and surround you with a blanket of security however fleeting it may be…
… Help you to understand that you already have all the answers, the only problem is remembering it and sobering up enough to act upon them…
…Yet have the ability to floor you with my potency, become disillusioned with seemingly false promises, and generally leave you with a bad taste in your mouth and a headache after all the fun has been had…

… Sometimes… and sometimes not… but either way…

Thanks for the compliment.

.

Floored

2007-07-31T16:31:00.000+08:00

G: ok will u recoil if i EVER begin to manja with u?
G: i know i'm the dudette n all
G: but i still hve my moments of GIRLNESS when I feel lonely n shit
G damit

R: y would i recoil?

G: grins

.....
...
.

R: everybody needs a little passion or compassion from Ravin

*blink blink*

Blameless

2007-07-31T16:27:00.000+08:00

G: i remember the very first time we bumped into you at ss
G: remember?
G: i was like, "damn. who's this dude?"
G: "he's rockin"

R: i was wearing a collared T, jeans and sneakers
R: i was comfy...and tried to look like i belong...
R: how was that a "bad boy" image?
R: it's the AURA...the PHEROMONES...
R: THE MODJO BABY!!!
R: I CAN'T HELP IT!!!

G: you are blameless
G: really
G: it's all happening TO you
G: *pat pat*
G: i feel for u babe
G: *wide eyed innocence*

Sunday's Hall of Famers!!!!

2007-07-30T00:13:00.000+08:00

Players: Capes, Tats, Boon, Fon, Edgar, Mum & mois

Category: Garden-1, Adam & Eve-2, Forbidden Fruit-3
Stupid snakes gotcha you dumb foolish humans. - Edgar (2 pts)
Satan's snake gave you dubious fruits happily. - Edgar (3 pts)
Her fruit damaged your good sense, sir! - Gayle (3 pts)
Susi syok gardening yellow daisies for Hockster! - Tats (MUAH HAHAHAHAH *beep*)

Category: Xmas-1, Stocking-2, Fairy-3
Vanessa's big arse slaps Boon into Christmas! - Fon (definite points for effort!)
Veronica's breasts activated Santa's big indigo Christmas! - Capes (WTF lol)
Christmas is beautiful - Satan absconds by van. - Edgar (1 pt for sheer hahaha)

Category: President-1, Actor-2, Nancy-3
Presidents will always get to try Nancy. - Edgar (3 pts)

Category: Pay-1, Favour-2, Prostitute-3, Bordello-5
Prostitutes gave Tats plenty jolly blows inside - Gayle (muah hahahaha)
Prostitutes get truly pricey jobs blowing Indians - Edgar (*headesk*)
Inga blew John's 'Prostitute Training Ground' pervertly - Tats? (ROFL)
(What's the other one guys, I cannot remember liao)

Tribute

2007-07-23T18:52:00.000+08:00

Brain Power Experiment

2007-07-23T18:49:00.000+08:00

Verblogsity Round 1

2007-07-23T00:08:00.000+08:00

Now try it and weep.

I M M W B W S

Food (1 point)

Garlic (2 points)

Indigestion (3 points)

Halitosis (5 points)

Gems:
"Indigestion may make Willy bloat with shit." - Mum
"Smelly wind blew Willy miles, maybe indefinitely." - Mum

Verbosity Hall of Fame

2007-07-23T00:01:00.001+08:00

Just 'cause they were funny...

Eve played gamely, Adam's terribly disarranged balls. -Jason

Musicians should always yell, "Keep chapatti mouldy!" - Ian

Giant pigeons must eat balls and tits. - Amy

Old and sad doctors play catching kids. - Jason

"She is always mounting goats," Betsy cried. - May

Can Big George mount another Indian shepherd? - Jason

Shitty German canoeist thinks he is knowing Olympics. - Jason

A paunch always causes traumatic dance movements. - Diane

Shy Tony never bends down playfully anymore. - Gayle

Ate two hot lamb chops, farted. - Shirley

Men do this casually and pass away. - Shirley

Roll your nice ass over the King. - Desmond

Al's paunch also clobbered Thomas during mass. - Gayle

"Bend it carefully," said the playful Aunty. - Jason

Bring me incense with Tonto's asshole. - Gayle

Verbosity - the mechanics.

2007-07-22T23:50:00.000+08:00

I've been playing this crazy word game with my family for a few years, and it's a bloody laugh a minute. Verbosity is a game that encourages creative and outlandish imagination, along with good language skills - and you end up with hilarious sentences like...

"The affable bastard enjoys my plump groin." - Ian (3 points)

How it Works

Players are given:
- 7 Letters of the Alphabet (eg. H,P,S,C,G,F,A)
- A category card (eg. Women-1pt, Love-2pts, Headache-3pts)

Each letter represents the beginning of a word.
Left to right, right to left - up to you.
But string the words together to make a sentence.

Example: (left to right)
Head pains slowly came, giving Fanny aches. (That's a 3 pointer)

Example: (right to left)
Amber feels good caressing Simon's purple head. (That's a possible 2 pointer, or 1 point at least)

Got that? Yay! Moving on. hehe

Life Through the Bottom of a Coffee Cup

2007-07-22T12:43:00.000+08:00

Let me say a few things about my tall Java Chip Frap. It's from Starbucks. And what it is, is 12 fluid ounces (or 354 ml) of AWESOMENESS in a disposable but environmentally unfriendly plastic cup.

"Starbucks coffee & chocolatey coffee biscuits blended together and topped with whipped cream and chocolate drizzle."

On days like today - a lazy Sunday for others, a working day for me - I need the coffee to clear the cobwebs from my mind. Or so I tell myself. Then I find this...

This is the web of your spider next door.
Just your regular spider, you know - good school grades, doesn't mix with the wrong crowd, his strongest beverage so far is probably lizard blood on the rocks.

THIS is the web of the 'bad-boy' spider who proooobably gave himself a shot of caffeine right before his photo shoot . To calm his nerves so he can perform, you know how it is.

*blink* *blink* *slurrrp*

These pictures perfectly depict my mind on coffee too. Linear one minute. Completely fucking derailed the next.

Wikipedia says:
"In humans, caffeine is a central nervous system stimulant, having the effect of temporarily warding off drowsiness and restoring alertness."

Wikipdeia means:
When you drink coffee, you will experience the Window of Weirdness. A moment when your nerves get shot to shit and you freakin' bounce off the walls. Cousin Capes can tell you all about this.

But what's really scary is "CaffeineTolerance" and the resulting"Caffeine Crash." Which basically means, once you start drinking coffee - you bloody hell better not stop.

*warning: derailment*

MEN! Win Your Woman!

All you need to do is simply take part
in this 3-step experiment
and you could WIN the heart of your whiny-assed girlfriend
who complains you just don't 'get' her.

Step 1: Go on a coffee binge for a week.
Step 2: Stop.
Step 3: Stop, damit.

Within 48 hours, you will undergo a miraculous transformation and receive a brand new set of Coffee Goggles (TM). The headaches, irritability and stomach cramps will only be overshadowed by your sudden desire to watch Oprah! With your girlfriend.

So don't wait! Try it today and tell us how it goes.

Occasionally Dressed

2007-07-22T12:40:00.000+08:00

Right. Like. So. Like.

Does that mean that

A. One is dressed for the occasion?
B. That one is dressed, but only on certain occasions ?
C. All of the above?

*stares at tall Starbucks Java Frappucino with no cream*

You will tell me.

Chuck Norris is like a tampon

2007-07-20T21:04:00.000+08:00

I am addicted to Chuck Norris like a druggie addicted to smack. I'll alienate my friends. I'll find any way possible to inject a dose of him into conversation. But on the upside, at least I won't have to worry about radiation breath or that starved skeleton look.

Come to think of it, Chuck Norris is actually handy to have around. He's like a tampon. Not something you want to flash around in public too often, but handy for a quick fix - and customisable for other things too.

Example.

1) A tampon you can use to plug a bleed. Chuck Norris you use to cause a bleed.

2) A tampon applicator you can use to launch spitballs from. Either one of Chuck Norris' legs could be used to launch children into the sun.

3) A tampon can also be used as a prophylactic - if a woman's all plugged up, there's usually not enough crawl space in there for an ant let alone a Kielbasa sausage. No sex means no STD. Chuck Norris himself IS a prophylactic, simply because any woman he has sex with won't survive the experience... so there's really no reason to worry about disease. And at any rate, there's no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris, so why worry.

People. Chuck Norris is simply a Fact of Life. Like the Grim Reaper, the IRS, and China. We can all run now. But sometime soon, he's gonna catch up with us... and he's gonna hump us - literally or figuratively.

But probably both.

Are those tears in my eyes?

2006-02-20T02:54:00.000+08:00

Can you handle it?
Some mind blowing news and views from THE wookie!

Chewy

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-02-15T03:01:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Silly me for not posting earlier. Have a good one!

I miss...

2006-02-09T02:08:00.000+08:00

Adeline, I miss you.  I’m happy you found your happiness.  I only wish you were closer to home.

Lara.  Same goes for you.  Miss you horribly and we only had a brief period during Christmas to talk about nothing much, cause there wasn’t enough time to talk about anything more.

My goals right now are to make it to Australia and to the U.S. to visit you both.  Wish me luck.

Found It! Depression Chat Room

2006-02-09T01:54:00.000+08:00

I discovered a great depression chat site on about.com that I’d recommend to anyone who’s depressed. If the understanding chatter of the people there won’t help you, then realising that there are other people out there with even more ghastly problems will likely help to put your own problems into some perspective.

Plus with strangers, they aren’t afraid to tell you things like it is. Things you may need to hear but your family and close friends won’t tell you.

Instructions

Click on this link

Scroll down to the ‘Chat Centre’ in pink on the lower right hand of the screen.

The Post With No Worthy Title

2006-02-09T01:49:00.000+08:00

Okay, I haven’t written in a damn long time.  No reason other than I completely have nothing to say.  Creative juices nil.  Other juices that can’t be bought at a store… also dwindling. Fark.

Well anyway, I will probably only have one reader, one witness to this blog entry of mine – Roms, whom I’m on MSN messenger with right now… it’s only the polite thing for him to do after all, hey?

This sucks.  Aja’s presence must’ve been inspiring for me… I had plenty to blog then but after Concepts, it was blah blah blah.

I now spend my days attempting to cook and clean, tasks which I’ve set myself as part of my growing up process… especially now I’m not living with my parents.  It ain’t a bowl of roses.  This relationship is going how I expected it to be… a fucking challenge from day to day, learning to trust and learning that I need distance, that I’m not perfect, that she’s not perfect, that she can be right and me wrong, trying to remember that I’m not one-half, but a whole person bringing all the luggage that involves into a relationship with one other whole person with the same.  Not to mention the money problems as well, which are the worst.

Despite my parents’ outwardly acceptance of us, I know there’s still residual… hope.  Hope that I will give it up, find a husband and settle down to produce children of the 2-legged kind.  And then I worry.  That my parents are getting too old, that they will die with their hopes for their kids and that depresses the hell outta me.  So much so that I cried like a fucking baby just a few days ago.  The beautiful thing was that she let me.  And she cradled me like a baby and allowed me the moment to wallow in my self-pity, knowing that it’s just a moment I had to go through… like a kidney stone I have to pass out so that I can feel clean and new again afterward.

Sometimes it gets me down, when I’m tired, when I’m pms-ing, when I’m pissed off.  But otherwise I do know that it’s all a part of the journey and it has to begin somewhere.  And that where I am at now is better off than I was before.

Another thing I’ve learned, when things are going bad… don’t go complaining to the relatives or the mutual friends.  Nothing happened for me to learn that, just a sudden insight after reflecting on past relationships.

And past relationships.  Shit, I have fucked up so many times in my life it takes my breath away.

The End.

Thwarted!

2005-10-21T17:57:00.000+08:00

Bloody NeoMart was closed, kanasai tiu tiu tiu!

No lights, not even the customary “I GO TOILET BE BACK” sign!

Instead, I popped over to MPH and grabbed two gossipy magazines. So for my first post-exam treat:

▪ Brad Pitt begs Jan’s forgiveness
▪ Oprah betrays Stedman – builds secret island hideaway with galpal
▪ Kenny Chesney NOT gay but Renee dumps him anyway

Okay lah, so the mags added more meaning to my toilet time. But NeoMart better be open on Monday by 11.30am OR ELSE!

Exam Shazam!

2005-10-19T16:39:00.000+08:00

Exam day tomorrow!
It feels like I’m about to be put on trial for something I have yet to commit.

I bet my underwear I’ll be having the SPM nightmare tonight too.

But it’s okay. Know why?
Because tomorrow. At 11.30am.
I will be at the Gurney Plaza RPG shop
rewarding myself with a set of RPG dice
for taking my first written exam
in 10 years.

Wear The Leash, Hold The Leash

2005-10-18T20:06:00.000+08:00

Know Your Purpose

If you don’t, someone else could give you false purpose and manipulate you… to take over the world in their name.

Use Your Gifts with Dicipline

If you can write well, write everyday and you’ll grow as a writer. If you *ahem* well, I guess doing so everyday will make you a better *ahem-er* too.

Reflect & Move Forward

Stop and take a look at your life. It is what it is. Look at your best options and make a choice.

Serve Others

I’m not talking about being waitress here, shut up. Look at the people around you eg your family / subordinates / etc, are they better off because of you?

Pull Up The Stakes

A fancy schmancy way of saying never give up. There’s no such thing as failure, only things that get in the way of your success.

Listen Damnit

How does YOUR mind translate what you hear, into what you want to hear. Read into what is said, what is not said, what they want to say but don’t know how to.

Take Calculated Risks

It’s better to risk, than to live never succeeding and never failing. It’s better to try being gay, than.. err… never mind.

Stop Tolerating

Don’t put up with not having the quality of life you deserve. I AM going to get that HELICOPTER. It will be blue. Like my shotgun.

Be 100% Honest

With yourself first! Then with others. It may be difficult to be honest, without being aggressive. *FWOAH difficult, sial*

Make the Present Perfect

Live in the now – the choices you make that affect your life are happening NOW. Not in the past. Not in the future, which you try to predict based on the past.

LA GAY DIN DIN

2005-10-18T18:26:00.000+08:00

LA GAY DIN DIN

‘Wooohoooo, darling! Give us a kiss!’ Obviously, Tony and husband were already at my Chee Seng home when ___ and I arrived. Thus summoned, I went straight to the Hall and gave dear Tony a tight squeeze and a peck on both cheeks, and the same for Peter. I hollered to ___ who had obviously chickened away to play with the dog for a bit… but not for long. *snigger*

We chatted for a bit about nothing much, Tony handing out his customary gift. He’s such a great gift-giver, always managing to find the perfect thing for me. This time round it was a shimmery lipstick palette encased within a slim case, like a CD-case. The outrageous colours were perfect for nights at the club!

Nan was her usual self, playing the Queen Mother. She gets that way when an English or European guest comes to visit. A trifle annoying, but it comes in handy. She’s ever the attentive host, even when the rest of the family is not in the mood for visitors. However this time round, the family was busy getting ready for dinner. Nan had already prepared, as she generally gets ready for a dinner party by 3 in the afternoon.

With a clang on the dinner gong, the household was summoned. Everyone gathered round the dinner table which had been extended by a mahjong table aka the Kid’s table. The kids (Ian, ___ and myself) sat there – close to the fridge containing ice-cubes and the liquor. The elders and the ancient had pride of place at the proper dining table.

I can’t remember now what dinner was, but I’m pretty sure Pork Pot Roast was involved, as it always is at family functions. Tender chunks of Pork that is cooked till soft, in a generous gravy of vinegar, soy sauce, oyster sauce and sugar, for about 2 hours.

Dinner was fun. The elders and the ancient carried on the main conversation, while Ian and I filled ___ in on the inside jokes and the backgrounds of various notorious family members.

There was Godpa who looks like Elvis and has a childlike sense of mischief, but who is also a successful Director of 2 Japanese run companies. He and his wife were not blessed with children of their own, but were Godparents to a whole neighbourhood of kids. His wife – my Mom’s best friend and my dear ‘Mama’ – was Trinidadian and sadly passed away at an early age due to complications from diabetes. True to her Trinidadian nature, she was fun, loving and totally outrageous.

There was Aunty Mo, a stalwart lady who loves the colour purple (purple clothes, purple watch, purple shoes) and is capable of drinking the rest of our family under the table… even though she now walks with a stick. A very tough lady but with an easygoing demeanour, Aunty Mo is always ready for a joke. “40 years of bliss and blisters,” she happily proclaimed at my parent’s anniversary once.

Tony is Aunty Mo’s eldest son and is thoroughly gay. He is slightly effeminate, very affectionate and with a totally infectious laugh. I always look forward to his trips to Penang and love him dearly. Peter, Tony’s beloved, I know little about but he comes across as a sweet and loving character. The two of them have been together for as long as I can remember.

Before long, dinner was over and the ‘kids’ were well sloshed. The topic of my new found gay-ness was never brought up, to ___'s delight. We all said our goodbyes and left for our respective homes, and that was the end. Anti-climax, no?

BACK TO BLOGSPOT

2005-10-18T18:25:00.000+08:00

BACK TO BLOGSPOT

One post was about all I managed on Yahoo 360.  Sure it has loads of add-ons.  Sure it has all sorts of tools and categorized post sections that initially appealed to the control-freak in me.  But all in all (yes Mrs English 3  I’m starting a sentence with ‘but’), it only added to my confusion and complicated my life in ways I did not need.

That wasn’t the only reason for my long absence from blogging though.  In part, I’d lost a desire to blog.  I had nothing new to say.  I was also dealing with some issues that I was not prepared to publicize on my blog, and for a while it consumed me.

I’m back now though.  I’ve grown since I left, with new material to bring to my blog.  Superduperwooper.  Thanks also to Adeline, who gave me the last push I needed to return.   So in thanks, here’s the missing post you’ve been waiting for dear Ad…

Student Life... a new blog

2005-08-26T13:27:00.000+08:00

My life of a university student has just begun, and I'm bursting with tales of imbecilic young students who have not yet realised that I'm the resident makcik not to be tangled with.

After reading the 6-page lawyerly document about university rules and disciplinary boards, I've decided to keep a tight reign on my blog to prevent my expulsion.

I've moving my blog to the new Yahoo 360 blog site. A new blog site for a new chapter in my life, I think it apt. However, the blogsite is not for public viewing (because members of the discplinary board make up that public).

If you're a friend you should have no problem. If you're a fan of my past blog and would like to continue reading my new blog... well, I refrain from commenting on your twisted sense of entertainment. You need to get a life. In the meantime, leave a comment here or email me with your details (email etc) and I'll add you to my friends list.

This link here heads straight to my blog.

A gay dinner...

2005-05-27T14:14:00.000+08:00

While we were lounging around at 'Homey' (scroll down to find out what Homey is)... Mom says that Bona (my aunt) has invited ___ and myself back home for dinner on Friday night being held for Tony and Peter.

Tony is my gay cousin who lives half the year in England and the other half in Spain. Peter is his partner/husband.

Diane messages me and says, "Oooh.... it's a gay vs gay dinner. DRAMA!"

Yeah. *snort*

I can't wait either.

The Theory of the Tesco Couple

2005-05-27T13:58:00.000+08:00

When a tree falls in the forest and there's no one to hear it, does it still make a sound?
Of course it does.

But when a Tesco couple is alone, and there are no witnesses to their shenanigans, do they still behave like a Tesco couple?

___ and I were heading to the car in the carpark. On the way, something got into us... she started running and I started chasing after her. She got into the car and locked me out. I jumped on the hood.

She drove off... with me there... sitting on the hood like a bargain basement hood ornament from Cosplus.

Soon though, we saw lights of another car coming into the carpark. She stopped, I jumped off, she let me in. And we continued our day as normal, giggling like 2 year olds in the car.

Now when I go to Tesco, I look around.... and I wonder....

Cool It With the Kacang Already

2005-05-27T13:48:00.000+08:00

I was just reminiscing the months past... in the days of courting for ___ and I. One particular moment remains vividly in my memory. Let me set the scene.

We're at Sohos. I'm standing in the corner by the railing, watching the pool game. She's sitting on the platform, on the other side of the railing. There was Kacang on the table, I wanted some. She shelled a couple for me, and I was grateful.

Crunch crunch crunch... "Nice shot!"

She hands me more Kacang. Oh, how nice, thanks again.

Crunch crunch crunch....

As the night goes on, I feel my jaws begin to ache with all the crunching and my mouth getting dry. "What's with ___ and the kacang?"I think to myself. Turning to look at her... there she is, furiously shelling Kacang after Kacang... and plops a whole BLOODY HANDFUL into my hands. WHO EATS KACANG LIKE THAT? BUT!

I had no heart to tell her to stop. She looked like a person on a quest. Like a knight in the crusade.

A dear friend, Woon Wee... a bystander to the sordid event... turns to look at us... and shakes his head. I grin. ___ shells more kacang.

I THINK HE'S INDIAN

2005-05-27T13:44:00.000+08:00

So Aja says to me, "Hey babe, I think he's Indian?"

I say, "Really? I think he's ______. What makes you think he's Indian?

"Cos in his email, he said DEY," blink blink.

"Riiiight..." says I, gently removing the Coffee Bean double coffee from her twitching grasp.

IPOH IS A DEADTOWN

2005-05-27T13:39:00.000+08:00

Just as we arrived at Ian and Diane's apartment... ___ went off in search of Diane, eager to begin a war of wits. She saw her in the spare room, back turned to ___... painting the wall.

"Oi! Ipoh is a deadtown!" She sniggers loudly.

No response from Diane. STRANGE. She always jumps to the bait.

Well, not so strange. See... it wasn't Diane whom ___ was talking to.

SNIGGERS from the rest of the family! MUAH AHHAAH

Pooor ___. Nice try. Diane is a formidable opponent even when she is NOT there. HARHARHAR

The Offering of the Coffee

2005-05-27T13:33:00.000+08:00

Went over to Ian and Diane's new apartment the other day, to visit Mum, Dad and Ian... as well as to provide whatever help they wanted with renovating the place. Turns out they just wanted to be fed... like true Bangladeshi workers.

Homey looked great. Yeah, the apartment has a name too... Homey. It's an african-american apartment. *?* KEWL

Anyway, there we were sitting on the floor digging into our Nasi Kandar... with ___ helping to distribute food she bought for my family. No description necessary. NK is NK... and simply delish.

Mom made coffee. I took a sip from Mom's cup. Then she offered HER CUP and said, "Ask ___ if she wants some?"

WHEEEEE *ding ding* OFFICIAL MILESTONE #2 of the (___)-Mom relationship!

I was GRINNING from ear to bloody ear. South Park fans would think I'd suddenly turned Canadian.

My Baby's Love Affair

2005-05-27T13:26:00.000+08:00

Yes, ___ is having an affair... and not behind my back either! The other day at the movies, I caught her winking.... at my LEFT BOOB!!!

I turned away confused, pretending it didn't happen. She did the same. And then she asked, "You saw me wink at your left breast?"

"Yeah! What's up with that?" I replied

She shrugged, "I dunno. Just felt like doing it."

STRANGE

So I've decided that my left breast has earned its status as an individual entity. It's name is Chigger.

i don't care what u say, that's funny right there

2005-05-20T16:50:00.000+08:00

Me : Why did the guy with one arm cross the road?

Sylvia : He left his arm behind?

Me : To go to the SECOND HAND STORE.
:-))))))))))))))

Sylvia : >.<

Sylvia : Have you had coffee yet?

WTF????? IT'S A GOOD JOKE!

Call Me Ransom

2005-05-20T16:46:00.000+08:00

Me : I actually spoke to a girl today by the name of RAIN

Me : Her 'english' name kononnya.

Me : Fucking rain

Me : She sounds like a goddamned downpour she's so BLUR

Friend: well, there's some in my contact list that's called Windy Wu and another called Ransome So.

Friend: my colleague said, maybe he wanted to be called Hansome but don't want to be so outright

*?*

Privacy not protected. If you're gonna choose the name... you're gonna have ta pay the price.

World's Stupidest First Names

2005-05-20T16:40:00.000+08:00

So yeah... I call up this college where I took my SBP DIPLOMA IN BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION, because the legitimacy of the diploma came into question while applying to pursue a degree in Education.

Whatever.

UNITAR has my certificates. They're in the INDUSTRY.
If they don't bloody understand the programme - you know which college I studied at.
You've got all the connections.
CALL THEM. FIND OUT MORE INFORMATION. ARM YOURSELF WITH THE KNOWLEDGE.

No. They send me a postcard... but that's not the reason why I'm writing this blog.

I'm writing this blog because the coordinator at the college where I'm studying at has a first name - her English name, I'm informed by the girl who's answering the phone... is Rain.

Yes. "What's her name?"

"Ms Rain"

"What's her full name?"

"Ms Rain. Her English name."

"That's her ONLY name? Does she have any other name to go with that name?"

"Ms Rain xxxxxx" (for privacy purposes)

So yeah, I spoke to Ms Rain...

... but really honey, you sound like a goddamned Downpour.

MY MORNING WAS FILLED WITH IDIOTS

2005-05-20T16:35:00.000+08:00

Yes indeedy. I'm gonna follow in Jobe's blogsteps and post a

*rant warning*

First off... I get a second postcard from UNITAR saying my application is incomplete and would I please send my full diploma transcripts.

LIKE I SAID BEFORE - those ARE my FULL **** transcripts. And if they don't fit your criteria then bloody hell come to a decision about what to do next... providing what you decide to do next, is not to SEND ME ANOTHER BLOODY POSTCARD!!!

Are you REALLY an EDUCATIONAL FACILITY?
Or is UNITAR short for UNIversity of reTARds!

Why am I even applying to you?!!

*sigh* Because you hold a monopoly in the subject I want to take. DAMNIT
Which, *IRONY* is a Bachelor's Degree in EDUCATION.

*STAB STAB STAB*
*SHOOT*

Sixty Five

2005-05-19T17:16:00.000+08:00

kgs.

That's how much I weigh now.
I've gone past the 60 milestone for the very first time.

ARGH.

Here, let me wave my arms. Do you feel the breeze?

Penang Drivers are Insane

2005-05-19T17:12:00.000+08:00

Quite a few of them deserve to be shot.

It doesn't help that I'm PMS'ing.

The other day... this woman was driving TOTALLY on the wrong side of the road... cutting all the cars in her lane.

I could've avoided her.

But I chose to drive straight AT her.

She was freaked and looked a little annoyed.

I... realised I was PMSing.

BABY, CANCEL THE HELICOPTER

2005-05-19T17:11:00.000+08:00

Yes, you heard me right.

I think I'd rather have a shotgun.
Blue.

To match the car.

About HIV

2005-05-19T17:04:00.000+08:00

So yeah, did a pro-bono emceeing stint at a World Aids Day Candlelight Memorial thing recently. My FIRST emceeing stint, I might add. It was cool... not much to do except read from the script.

It was awesome to meet Becki though. She's the first person I've met who's living with HIV... she came up and told her story. I was so touched, I had to hug her.

Do you know what she's had to go through???
Even in the HOSPITAL where the medical personnel are supposed to be trained to handle AIDs patients, Becki was ostracised and discriminated against. They told everyone she had HIV, to stay away from her. They put her in an area away from everyone else and she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. They wouldn't help her. They treated her hatefully... like she was a stray dog!

But LOOK PEOPLE! She didn't ask for this! Her only crime was to be married to the person who infected her!

I mean JESUS!

The small-mindedness of some people really make me sick.

Now I really want a shot gun.

Drunk Again

2005-05-19T17:01:00.000+08:00

Thanks Jennifer for an awesome party!
Hope your Dad didn't mind the noise.
Your toilet was awesomely huge too. I would've been proud to have gotten lost in that one.
But no, it didn't come to that.

Edgar - give us those pix won't you?

Readers... we now have an updated photo... a real-time, side-by-side comparison... of (___).. and the Yew!

Waiiit for it...

Alien Number 1... Resigned

2005-05-19T17:00:00.000+08:00

Alien Number One has been recalled to her spaceship.
Some of you may know whom I speak of... the alien... the scanner... in the scanning department.

farethewell Number One.
We shall miss your googly eyes.

*sniff* i didn't even get to know your name!!!!

An Ode to Aja's Cheongsam

2005-05-19T16:58:00.000+08:00

*blank*

This is supposed to be an ode
but I think I've had too much coffee today.

berrzebert

Zum Zum

2005-05-19T16:51:00.000+08:00

So yeah, I bought a car. Forgot to mention that earlier.
Traded in the shy car for a Kenari... lovely and spacious. 2nd hand of course, and I'm sharing it with a friend... otherwise mesa cannotsa afforditsa.

What colour you ask?
BWUE!

And it's name is Zum Zum.

On Friday last week (was it Friday?) Zum Zum... was injured. Worse than injured. MAIMED even! She lost a limb... while traveling down... a long and lonesome road.... we heard a sound, and there, in the middle... of the road... was our exhaust pipe.

Okay maybe not that dramatic. The exhaust broke in the middle... at bloody 8am in the Free Trade Zone. So there we were dragging the exhaust pipe along the road looking for car-dudes to fix the dang car.

To cut a long story short. We got it sorted. Cost us RM175.

But now Zum Zum is whole again. I try to hug her as often as I can to erase her memory of the ordeal.

And now, I desperately seek ... Winnie the Pooh cushions or cushion covers for the backseat.

We already have the Winnie the Pooh car fragrance.

*manic grin*

The Parent Conundrum

2005-05-09T17:33:00.000+08:00

I'm proud to introduce my darling to everyone I know. But I am not without expectations of my own. I want to be introduced to her parents and those close to her, not as a friend, but as that someone special.

I'm not pushing the subject, for now. But eventually, I want the relationship that we have, the status that I have in her life, to be made known. I don't want to someday find myself excluded in something very important, maybe even life changing, due to an oversight such as this.

I understand the reality of it though. And I will be patient... for as long as I see that the situation is being addressed. And that we are moving on in our lives, together.

And so I am very happy that we've agreed on a resolution, and come up with a plan. To be introduced as a friend in a gathering of other friends. It's something, and it's a start. I'm excited about where it will continue to take us.

Why am I writing something of such a personal nature here? This blog of mine has had a great impact on my life in many ways. I'm a person who's outwardly extrovert, yet tends to prefer to avoid conflict... and to keep my true feelings locked up inside. It's not healthy, and I've suffered its side-effects in previous relationships.

This blog helps to keep me real. By revealing myself to other readers, I've found an incredible freedom. It's a reaffirmation of my being. There is no shame in being who I am, in facing the problems that I face, in feeling the things that I feel, in wanting and needing the things that I want or need.

In later years, I may look back on this journal of my life and be reminded of the small triumphs that made me who I am. On the other hand, I may also wonder, "What the heck was I thinking. " But should I feel that way, I will also know that the journey was necessary in the making of Gayle as a complete person. Perhaps only when we reach our destination, will we understand the trials of the journey.

LORNA, I know you're reading this

2005-05-09T16:56:00.000+08:00

Like a thief in the night
She stays outta sight
She's a rose with no thorns
And she knows what goes on

My blog, she reads weekly
And she thinks, very deeply
All the things I have said
All the things she has read

But tell me, is the attraction
Really just in the section
With the secrets to satisfaction?
Does it drive you to distraction?

HEHEHEHEHE

Maybe now you'll consent
To finally leave a comment
On my blog so I can see
What you think of my poetry!

LOL

Byeeee 'ana!

iPod myPOD

2005-05-09T16:10:00.000+08:00

This is the greatest and best poem in the world... TRIBUTE... to AJA

She comes back from her holiday,
All tanned, shiny and gay,
I tell her about my iPOD
And she's like... NO WAY

"Please, Please can I have one too?"
"Tell ___, I'll be true"
"I'll paint my toenails blue"
"I'll stick to her like glue"
"Rigah-goo-goo"

No babe, I'm sorry to say
She's just not into you that way
Besides, I know you're not gay
So yeah... No Way

But I'll play the songs you like to hear
And I'll cry with you when you feel a tear
appear because you don't have the gear
to listen to cool songs (1,500) from ear to ear

Not like I can
when I'm in a jam
or even when I'm
dumping in the can.

MUAH HAHAHAH

Tenacious D... and their new MOVIE!!!!

2005-05-09T15:40:00.000+08:00

Dudes, I'm STOKED!

The fucking awesome Tenacious D comprising superstar comedian Jack Black (from School of Rock fame) and Kyle Gass (otherwise known as KG or the Kage) have almost finished the script for their new movie, "Tenacious D in : The Pick of Destiny" to be directed by Liam Lynch (also the Director of the music video for Tribute) and produced by Ben Stiller's Red Hour Films and Working Title Films.

Expect a WHOLE NEW soundtrack from the guys who brought us such memorable songs as Fuck Her Softly, Rock Your Socks Off, Wonderboy, Karate and Kielbasa Sausage. One wonders if they will be lucky enough to stumble upon yet another great rock invention like Inward Singing or if they will dispense even more fitness advice akin to their previous Cock Pushups.

Who else is acting in the movie besides JB and Kage the Rage? Why, their number one fan of course... Lee (not his real name). It is also rumoured that there will be cameos by Meatloaf (slotted to play Jack Black's Father), Ben Stiller and many others.

For more tenacious tidbits, click the link above. The site also includes games and downloads for tenacious fans of The D.

There Shined a Shiny Demon

2005-05-09T15:36:00.000+08:00

Egads! I didn't know they glowed.

More Mother's Day Luncheon

2005-05-09T15:25:00.000+08:00

My sis-in-law, Diane and I at Sarkies Corner for Mother's Day Luncheon. Look at those loovely pasties behind us... *smack smack*